Fifty Shades Getting All Your Fave Musicians Into Bondage, Rough Sex

The Fifty Shades of Grey soundtrack is hot as HEAAAYYYLL, and as its accompanying videos roll out, there is something we’ve noticed: this music is getting all your fave musicians in the MOOD. To do something NAUGHTY. To their OWN MUSIC. Terius “The-Dream” Nash’s “Kelly’s ’12 Play‘” this ain’t.

Yesterday, we were blessed with The Weeknd’s “Earned It,” a clip which featured a fake-naked Dakota Johnson and bondage girls, thus fulfilling essentially the entire career and life-philosophy of The Weeknd, there’s nothing left for him to achieve. Because Ellie Goulding seems like a more romantic type than Abel Tesfaye, her video for “Love Me Like You Do” is more about longing than lust, wherein she touches her own hair in front of a chandelier while seeming to look for someone, and culminates with Ellie Goulding doing lyrical ballet with some built Benjamin Millipied-type—which is, of course, a metaphor for the elaborate and sensual dance we do when we’re having The Sex. Plus, bonus, it’s all interspliced with actual clips from the movie, so works as another teaser in case you are biting all your nails waiting for the film to open (on Valentine’s Day, duh!).

Things that I have learned during the course of watching this video for a fairly low-end Ellie Goulding track (love her so much, but some of her tracks are stone cold duds—listen to this instead):

1. My colleague Kelly Faircloth tried to read Fifty Shades but

2. She skimmed most of it because the writing was so remedial and

3. She hates it vehemently.

Also, Fifty Shades is set in Seattle (huh?) and the Grey dude is a billionaire, but “real billionaires are boring,” according to Kelly, who is an expert on billionaires and the monarchy, so it would behoove us to believe her. So that’s Kelly’s view on the bookstorm that has swept through America and destroyed everything in its path. Hey BDSM fans, what do you think about Fifty Shades?