5 Fugly Things Urban Outfitters Wants You To Wear This Spring

Studded jean vest/jackets! Poopy-crotched “harem” pants! Sith Lord-inspired hooded tops! There’s never a shortage of fug at Urban Outfitters, and April’s catalog is no exception. Before we get to the clothes, let’s discuss the decapitated young lady on the cover:

Wednesday we received an email from reader R.M., who wrote:

Hey dolls! Check out the cover of the UO spring 2010 catalog. isn’t it the worst case of photoshopping a whole 1/3 of a girl’s body off ever? a couple of pages in you can see what the shot actually looked like—but she still looks like a weird headless sea creature.

The interior shot (seen here) appears to be from a different angle than the cover shot — check out how much of the lounge chair’s seat surface is visible in both images — but the fact remains, this “edgy,” artsy picture looks like:

A. A woman barfing over a ledge with her ass in the air
B. A woman passed out on a ledge with her ass in the air
C. A sexual assault crime scene
D. All of the above.

But, you know, this is Urban! Half-naked chicks with their dresses pushed up to reveal their underwear is fairly typical! Let’s move on.

The Romper Is Ubiquitous. The Romper Is Happening. The Romper Is Your New Overlord. Bow down to The Romper.

Ugly shoes are having a moment, and I’m thinking about having a T-shirt printed which reads “Shooties Are Shitty.” All the footwear here looks like it’s from the rubbish heap of a drunk Ancient Peloponnesian cobbler, but if you’re interested in dressing like someone who’s being held captive in the bottom of a sea-faring vessel and forced to row a giant oar, by all means, have at it.

This one especially gives off that “refugee from a fallen Ancient empire” vibe.

She’s hiding her face because the serving suggestion for this black lace bralette is embarrassing. Are young ladies really supposed to just pull on shorts and a cardigan and just face the light of day with their nipples on display?

They might be some Steampunk’s dream come true, but these “Victorian Spectator Boots” seem awkward, hot and uncomfortable.

If these glorious “Swing Shorts” make this slender girl’s hips look as wide as Wisconsin, what will they do to the pelvic region and saddlebags of we mere mortals?

Earlier: April At J. Crew: Floral Rompers & Rugged Dudes Who Are Good With Their Hands
Free People: For March, The Ugliest Shoes & Clothes To Match
March Madness At J. Peterman: Choose Your Own (Artsy) Adventure
March Anthropologie: A Lush, Tropical Dream With Nightmarish Shoes

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Urban Outfitters: Everything Old Is Fug Again
Urban Outfitters: Does This Make My Ass Look Wack?