40 Thoughts That Gave Us a Panic Attack in 2015

We, as a trio, are very nervous people. Much of the anxiety we experienced in 2015 involved our cats, which is sad and unsurprising; we also worried about climate change, ~boy problems~, and dying in a fire. One freakout happened just now, when we collectively realized that we had put off writing this list until the very last minute. But we did it.

Here are 40 thoughts that gave us a panic attack in 2015.

Why is the tree outside my window still green?
What if it becomes cool to hate Jews again, more than it already is, and we are killed?
Does my antiperspirant cause Alzheimer’s?
Imagine being in LA when the water runs out!
Will the new turmeric supplements I recently started taking would have adverse effects on my body, even though it’s literally just turmeric?
Do I drink too much milk? Am I going to contract Parkinsons?
Do people get Alzheimer’s in their 20’s?
Did I leave the stove on/iron on/door unlocked? Sometimes I take a video of me shutting the door when I leave the apartment.
What if I leave the hair straightener on and my apartment burns down and my cat gets burned alive, because I don’t have that emergency sticker on my window that says “CAT IN HERE” or whatever?
What if my cat falls through the window screen and dies?
What if I smother my cat in my sleep and he dies?
What if my cat jumps on the stove and turns it on and he bursts into flames?
Every time I’m in a taxi or another car on a bridge I open the window in case the bridge collapses or the driver drives into the river.
Why hasn’t _____texted me?
Am I going blind?
Do I have a brain tumor?
Is this skin cancer?
Is my blood pressure going to kill me?
Are we all going to get Lyme disease because of climate change? Why can’t Yolanda find a cure?
What if I have herpes but just don’t have any symptoms so I’ve been giving people herpes my whole life and then they all find out and hunt me down?
Does Bobby hate me because I borrow his headphones every day?
I get scared that my apartment will collapse and I’ll wake up in the rubble and die slowly as I bleed out while the fire department tries to save the survivors.
Is my neighbor going to murder me in the night?
I’m scared of getting a blood test because I’m scared of what it will say. I’m also scared of not getting one.
I’m scared that my cat’s poop will give me dementia, I read that once.
I am scared about there being no water and having to live in a Mad Max lawless desert.
Like what if nothing we’re doing right now matters because in 25 years we’re all going to be holed up in a cave in Greenland eating crickets with the rest of the remaining humans and I won’t be strong enough or brave enough or have enough wilderness skills to survive?
When I am sixty, am I going to be like “whoops” about everything I have ever done?
I read a book set in the early 20th century and the flu pandemic is like just casually mentioned and I was like, “Oh right that happened less than 100 years ago” and got very scared about flu pandemics.
I got really high and watched Life: Reptiles and Amphibians and there’s this desert chameleon who just starves and starves and starves and then gets BRUTALLY RAPED and then just repeats that for her entire horrible life.
I was in LA this year and we drove from LA to Hearst Castle and back again, and I was privately horrified that a tire would burst and we’d cause a multi-car pile-up that would cause the death of both the two of us and dozens of others.
I have recently been certain I will die of a movie theater shooting and I am not confident I could escape one despite all my planning.
What if Trump becomes president and has everyone in the media abducted and put in a black site?
Adele’s success at age 25.
What if my butt never goes back to its original shape no matter how hard I exercise to make up for this job?
I’m so scared of antibiotic resistance. Like more specifically, what will it mean for surgery?
What if I’m stupid but just really good at hiding it from people?
What will it feel like when my cat dies? And my parents?
Am I barren?
Is there a shark under me?