In M. Night Shyamalan’s new film, Old, there is a beach that makes you old.
This isn’t a spoiler. It’s literally in the trailer:
I haven’t seen the movie yet, but I have to say I’m not impressed. A beach that makes you old? Am I supposed to be scared? I can name at least 14 places that could totally take the beach that makes you old, starting with:
- The room from Room
- The beach from The Beach
- The beach that spit out the Montauk Monster that one time
- Most water temples
- The haunted hotel from The Shining
- The not-haunted hotel from What’s Up, Doc?
- The Discovery Zone that was so fucked up they shut down every Discovery Zone
- A Sims house filled with the max number of Sims after you’ve removed all the doors.
- A Sims pool filled with the max number of Sims after you’ve removed all the ladders to get out.
- A cruise ship with bad vibes to start with but then it breaks down mid-voyage and everyone’s shitting and eating dry ham slice sandwiches
- THEE Bermuda Triangle
- Circus Circus Reno
- Literally any dead mall
- Grey Gardens