14 Places That Could Totally Beat Up the Beach That Makes You Old

In M. Night Shyamalan’s new film, Old, there is a beach that makes you old.

This isn’t a spoiler. It’s literally in the trailer:

I haven’t seen the movie yet, but I have to say I’m not impressed. A beach that makes you old? Am I supposed to be scared? I can name at least 14 places that could totally take the beach that makes you old, starting with:

• The room from Room
• The beach from The Beach
• The beach that spit out the Montauk Monster that one time
• Most water temples
• The haunted hotel from The Shining
• The not-haunted hotel from What’s Up, Doc?
• The Discovery Zone that was so fucked up they shut down every Discovery Zone
• A Sims house filled with the max number of Sims after you’ve removed all the doors.
• A Sims pool filled with the max number of Sims after you’ve removed all the ladders to get out.
• A cruise ship with bad vibes to start with but then it breaks down mid-voyage and everyone’s shitting and eating dry ham slice sandwiches
• THEE Bermuda Triangle
• Circus Circus Reno
• Literally any dead mall
• Grey Gardens
• DashCon