13-Year Old Defies Laws Of Physics, Upholds Laws of Freshness

Um, someone get Cirque du Soleil on the horn and let them know that they’re actually Cirque du So Stupid, because this girl is where it’s at.

Actually, they are both very cool — Cirque du Soleil and this girl. I don’t know why I had to get mean there, it was unnecessary. The point is, if you build a Vegas act around this young lady, I will come. Obviously she’ll have to drop out of school and live as a circus sideshow for the rest of her days, but I think it’s worth it for our entertainment. OK, never mind.