Image via Getty.

On October 23rd 2016, Khaled Mohamed Khaled—also known as DJ Khaled—became a father. Khaled and his fiancée Nicole Tuck, the most patient woman on Earth, welcomed a bright-eyed baby boy named Asahd Tuck Khaled into the world and my expectations for babies will never be the same.

My first memory of Asahd is this video of him being fitted for a baby tuxedo ahead of his appearance at the 2017 Grammy Awards.

“Wow,” I thought, “That is a cute ass baby.” “Wow,” I also thought, “That sure is a fancy outfit for a baby.” “Damn,” I continued, “Do they really make Rolexes for babies or is DJ Khaled just kidding?” “Man,” I finally concluded, “That baby looks stressed as hell.”

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HOMIE CAN’T EVEN HOLD IS OWN HEAD UP AND HE’S ALREADY GETTING FITTED FOR BESPOKE BABY SUITS OR SOME SHIT.

It was then that knew this would be a wild ride and I’m not even related to Asahd.

As I increased my consumption of DJ Khaled’s social media offerings, I started noticing a curious look in Asahd’s eyes. Now, this is not to suggest that he is in any way not properly cared for. I firmly believe Asahd is one of the most adored children to ever crawl this earth. No, it just looked like Asahd was finally starting to realize some shit—like the fact that this fucking camera was probably going to be in his face a lot.

Images via DJ Khaled’s Snapchat

But I quickly forgot all that when Khaled started posting these aggressively adorable videos of a father giving loving assurances to his son.

Over time Khaled developed his tender whispers of affection to Asahd into a full blown rallying cry of “yesboyyesboyyesboyyesboyyesboy” that almost always makes Asahd smile.

Of course, DJ Khaled is also the personification of “extra,” so at some point, he started inundating Asahd with some rather lofty affirmations.

THAT’S A LOT OF PRESSURE, YO!

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However, if there is any infant up to the challenge, it is Asahd. During just 8 months on the planet, that little boy has already:

For reality’s sake, here are some things Asahd cannot do:

  • Walk
  • Feed himself
  • Count to two
  • Read
  • Speak in complete sentences
  • Write
  • Sign a contract
  • Express when he has to use the bathroom

And why has Ashad been living like some sort of Saudi prince? Because his father has a vision. I know that technically DJ Khaled is a DJ and producer, but let’s be real—the man’s best skill is his ability to market and promote. How else do you explain the fact that he continues to release entire albums when he neither sings nor raps? Naturally, he put those exact abilities to work when his son was born.

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I remember when Khaled first announced that Asahd would be executive producing his new album. “That’s a cute joke,” I thought. As it became more apparent how serious Khaled was about this, I said to myself: “Well that’s a damn good way to pad the kid’s trust fund before he can even walk.” As Khaled explained to Jimmy Kimmel, Asahd has his “attorney has his points and royalties, everything.”

Asahd’s role as “executive producer” is clearly a damn clever way for DJ Khaled to both set up his son financially and provide him with an absolutely no-brainer marketing strategy. I mean, COME ON:

Images via DJ Khaled’s Instagram

THERE IS NO END TO THE NUMBER OF TIMES I WOULD CLICK ON A DJ KAHLED AND BABY ASAHD MATCHING OUTFIT PHOTOSHOOT.

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There’s also the fact that pretty much everyone who steps foot in DJ Khaled’s home or on the set of one of his music videos will find him or herself holding baby Asahd at some point and honestly, Asahd is the one doing them the favor.

Images via DJ Khaled’s Instagram

And as it turned out, that shit worked. “I’m the One,” the first single off Khaled’s upcoming album, Grateful, as well as my accurate selection as song of the summer, has already gone double platinum.

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I’m not exactly sure how this is going to work out if Khaled and Tuck decide to have more children because he’d basically have to make another hit album for those kids just to keep things even. There’s also the possibility that Asahd will grow up to be a regular person instead of a mogul or a boss, but we’ll cross that bridge when we get there.

For now, Asahd is already an icon.

I would also argue he’s the greatest baby to ever do it.

And of course, he’ll always be DJ Khaled’s son.