Here's a Song to Say Happy Birthday to People You Don't Care About

There's nothing more dreaded than that pink box on your Facebook dashboard that tells you that one or more people have birthdays today. And there's nothing worse than figuring out whether you have to write something (to someone who you have no idea friending) or whether a like will do. You want them to wish you a… » 9/02/14 11:45pm 49 minutes ago

Crimea Doesn't Need Gay People, Says De Facto Crimean Leader

Joining the ranks of other despotic leaders, the Kremlin's man on the Crimean peninsula has basically informed sexual minorities in Crimea they are "not needed," have "no chance" of being themselves and any public gathering by the queer community will be put down with police and military force. » 9/02/14 11:20pm Yesterday 11:20pm

Men in Shorts: Who Fucking Cares

It has been forcefully brought to our attention that some of the men who work at the opium den we call Gawker Media do/don't think the other men around them should wear a specific article of clothing. Since #fashion is usually the domain of #women, we thought we'd offer another thought on this whole issue: you do you,… » 9/02/14 10:51pm Yesterday 10:51pm

Why is not having children considered the selfish thing to do?

My sister-in-law has been on a bit of a FB rampage recently, posting different pictures, quotes, and links a few times every day. A large percentage of them have been about how only mothers know what true selflessness is, and how motherhood itself is the only truly noble path in life. » 9/02/14 9:56pm Yesterday 9:56pm

Scientists Report You Might Live Longer if You Drink Wine With Dinner

In Reasons Rebecca Rose is Probably Unkillable By Conventional Means, scientists have found that a regular glass of either red or white wine with dinner can help you live longer by staving off heart disease. Hold up, though, there are caveats I couldn't fit in the headline. » 9/02/14 9:04pm Yesterday 9:04pm

Nick Carter, Jordan Knight Rehash Pop Highs With New Cheesy Lyrics

Today in Why Is This A Thing, Jordan Knight and Nick Carter have a duet album called Nick and Knight, out on Tuesday. Your head will also probably explode once this thing hits store shelves because that’s what happens when Boy Band members from two different generations clash in the name of self promotion. » 9/02/14 8:30pm Yesterday 8:30pm

Nicki Minaj's Dancer Describes Being Chomped by a Snake at the VMAs

Genise Ruidiaz, a contortionist and dancer, was slated to perform in Nicki Minaj's "Anaconda" routine at the VMAs while holding a live boa constrictor. The snake idea was scrapped before the live show, however, because it BIT RUIDIAZ DURING REHEARSAL WITH ITS BIG SNAKE MOUTH. And then the replacement snake bit a… » 9/02/14 8:10pm Yesterday 8:10pm

Julia Allison's marriage to herself has taken place, and with it comes details of the ceremony: Allison writes on Facebook that she "greatly appreciated the naked man who looked like Jesus dancing like a crazy person to 'Don't Stop Believing' played at the reception. It was an 'Only at Burning Man' moment." She also… » 9/02/14 6:10pm Yesterday 6:10pm

Manboys Throw Tantrum Over Having Their Celebrity Nudes Taken Away

"I don't really know why it's such a big deal. Jennifer's breasts are great! Why is she so upset?" This was a snippet of the conversation I heard between two high school-aged boys on the bus this morning. They were discussing the nude leak that took place earlier this week and they were angry that they no longer had… » 9/02/14 5:50pm Yesterday 5:50pm

Europe's First Drive-Thru Brothel Apparently Working Out Great In Zürich

After one year of experimental operation, social services in Switzerland are calling the "sex drive-in" in Zürich "a success." They're saying it's allowed for better regulation of prostitution which in turn has made the situation safer for people on both ends of sexual transactions. » 9/02/14 5:49pm Yesterday 5:49pm

Sit Back, Tell Us How Special You Are, and Win a Prize

While the drive to take quizzes and fill out surveys online is technically not included on Maslow's Hierarchy of Needs, it's nevertheless up there with eating, sleeping, and sex in terms of unstoppable human urges. When given the opportunity to reflect on your own special self by ticking off boxes— introvert or… » 9/02/14 12:00pm Yesterday 12:00pm