The experience of using Kourtney Kardashian’s app is a lot like paying $2.99 to enter a very wealthy stranger’s stark white mansion for the sole privilege of thumbing through a limited selection of photo albums they’ve fanned out on their coffee table. As you turn the pages and squint at every well-shot reminder that these family photos are nothing like ones you’ve ever seen before, a Siri-like voice repeats, “Please do not explore the rest of the home. Please do not explore the rest of the home.”
But every once in a while, Kourtney’s app contains a piece of content that makes you feel like you’ve gotten a peek into another part of the house. Something that feels more candid than curated. The first time that happened was two months ago, when Kourtney shared a video in which she taught viewers how to eat Kit Kats like she and Kim do. Though it’s a terrible method (I wrote about it here), the video was popular, and Monday she uploaded a follow-up entitled: “How to Eat a Reese’s Peanut Butter Cup.”
In the video, she sits beside her sister Khloe (who doesn’t partake because she “shouldn’t be eating sugar”) and explains the steps, which are:
- Remover the paper.
- Eat all chocolate off the sides.
- Eat all chocolate off the top.
- Eat all chocolate off the bottom.
- Eat the peanut butter.
Khloe rightfully points out that this is actually just two steps—eat the chocolate, then eat the peanut better—but, for the sake of following Kourtney’s method as precisely as possible, I broke down my attempt in the number of steps she provided. Sorry, did I not mention I tried Kourtney’s method? Because I tried Kourtney’s method.
It began with a Reese’s Peanut Better Cup. I bought a package of two for one dollar.
I normally prefer eating these bad boys cold, but because I didn’t feel like waiting for them to cool in the office fridge (and because I sort of expected them to disappear left there), I quickly completed step one. As a technical process, step two (eating all the chocolate off the sides) was easy. As a mental test, it was rough. I’m used to devouring Reese’s Peanut Butter cups in three or four bites, not like some kind of patient mouse—but I managed.
Next came the tough parts. Because of the increased peanut butter-to-chocolate contact on the top and bottom layers, as well as the lack of a sizable edge to latch onto, peeling the thin layers of chocolate off the peanut butter with my teeth proved more difficult that I had expected. And, unused to eating chocolate with this kind of precision, I slipped and broke my peanut butter patty in two in the middle of step four.
With only one shot left at success, I prepared with a few deep breaths and visualized myself as a Kardashian sibling named Kobby. Kobby can do this. Kobby can do anything. Kobby is ready to eat a Reese’s Peanut Butter Cup like his big sister Kourtney.
Now came step five—eating the peanut butter.
Back in the day—maybe 1999—I made homemade Reese’s after watching a recipe from the kids on Zoom. The secret to getting the peanut butter to taste like the Reese’s peanut butter, they (I think Zooey? Maybe Jared?) said, was to mix it with powdered sugar. I remember tasting it in my parents’ kitchen and being sort of overjoyed by how good it was. But when stripped of its chocolatey clothing, this patty tasted more like peanut butter and wood shavings—a dry, mostly flavorless hunk of crumbly tan that was so unpleasant in my mouth that I forgot I was eating candy.
Why would Kourtney tell us to do this, let alone do it herself? Combining chocolate with peanut butter is one of the best things humankind has ever done, so why tear the two apart for the sake of prolonging the experience of eating something sweet?
Over the weekend, she tweeted this:
But unlike pain, heartache, or tears, no good can come from exposing peanut butter from its chocolate mask. Just like no good can come from following Kourt’s advice for eating candy.
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Images via Kourtney Kardashian, the author.
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Still here. Still without airbrushing. Still with teeth.
