Architectural Digest released its annual Celebrity Homes issue, featuring the homes of rich people like Naomi Watts, Kourtney Kardashian and Khloe Kardashian. It may or may not impress you.

As a regular viewer of Property Brothers and a New York renter, I consider myself a design expert. I’m used to being amazed and frustrated by beautiful homes. The celebrity cribs in this month’s Arch Digest appear to be especially breathtaking to the amateur eye. But let’s take a closer look.


For this March issue, the mag profiled Naomi Watts, who lives in a Manhattan duplex (not even a real house!) in TriBeCa a block from the Hudson River with husband Liev Schreiber and their two boys; they recently renovated the place after Hurricane Sandy flooding.

“I mean, look at this place,” Naomi Watts tells AD. “Is it too big? Are we taking on more than we should? Maybe we should have stayed where we were? I don’t know!” Too big, Naomi! It’s my belief that home sizes should be medium at best. I mean, look at this.


Way too much space. Watts also says NYC is a tough market for homeowners because “you never get everything you want.” And of course: “One thing I’ve learned is when it comes to big renovations, no one gets an easy ride.” Tell me about it...

Their kids’ room, meanwhile, has Atelier de Troupe sconces (uh, buy a chandelier, lady), and the bathroom features a Victoria + Albert tub (gross). An antique Moroccan rug covers the bedroom floor (sounds cheap). A full kitchen? What would you even use that for?


Also featured in this issue are Kourtney and Khloe’s separate, so-called “dream homes” in California.

Khloe’s home boasts a courtyard (though, again, I’m not sure why anyone needs all that space to, like, live in), while Kourtney’s master bath has luxurious amenities like a tub, faucets and a stool.


Fugly. (Question: Is this where they also sleep?)

Kourtney says, “My mom always had a vision for our houses—she taught us the joy of interior design. And Khloe says, “I was very hands-on in the design process. I’m obsessed with details, so I can be a bit controlling, but it’s only because I’m genuinely curious.”

You can also gawk at photos of Marc Anthony’s gorgeous home in the Dominican Republic if you feel like vomiting (in a good way). Now excuse me while I slowly perish :).


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Images via Architectural Digest; photographers Douglas Friedman (Naomi & Liev) and Roger Davies (Khloe & Kourtney)