Zendaya is a cruel, cruel lady. First, she has to go and steal my Spiderman crush Tom Holland. Then, for like the last seven years, the Euphoria star has stolen every single red carpet she’s walked on. And now, she has seemingly won best dressed at the 2022 Oscars’ red carpet (I mean, the competition was Kristen Stewart in SHORTS for fuck’s sake). I am exhausted from obsessing over her.
Yes, Zendaya, who is present on behalf of the film Dune, wore a Valentino Haute Couture white cropped button-up and sparkly ass evening skirt — which was apparently designed specifically for her by creative director Pierpaolo Piccioliis. It’s all so good that it’s objectively disgusting.
To complement her glittering confection, she wore Valentino shoes covered in crystals, plenty of Bulgari rocks and a stack of diamond tennis bracelets. Truly evil material. Stylist Law Roach apparently helped put this look together and to him I say, “How dare you.” Nothing personal, just absolutely offensive that you had to allow Zendaya to look this perfect.
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Oh, and did you forget that Zendaya is only 25 years old? In case you—surely an old crone over the age of 25 like me—thought maybe she’s close to retiring her red carpet era, we’re happy to remind you that she is nowhere near close to calling it quits. We’ve got several more decades of being emotionally destroyed by this woman. Murdered really. Several times a year from now until the next few decades, our suffering will continue on.
Anyway, this is my campaign for everyone else to step it up. Myself included. Zendaya is giving us gallons of angelic energy, talent, and wild attractiveness and it’s just a reminder that the rest of us are mere plebes. We’ve got to step it up, gals. It’s what Zendaya would want for us.