Your "Sleep Envy" Could Destroy Lives

Writes the Daily Mail, “Watching her husband nod off the moment his head hits the pillow unleashes a sleeping beast in many women..” That beast is “sleep envy” — and it can be deadly.

Ryan Kisiel of the Mail writes that in one survey, a quarter of women took up to an hour to fall asleep, while “most men said they were fast asleep in under ten minutes.” Which of course makes ladies fly into a jealous rage! Says Kisiel, “One in four women admit to deliberately waking their husbands up because they are jealous they’re able to nod off so easily.” Some women use tossing and turning as a way to exact their sleep “revenge,” while “one in ten actually confessed to pinching the poor fellow.”

Poor fellow indeed! But is this terrible threat to men’s shuteye even real? Sadie says yes:

I suffered from that last night. I woke up at 3:40, attempted seduction, was rebuffed, tea-dyed some cheesecloth, made a warm milk, read the New Yorker, and killed a mouse. […] My sleep envy turned deadly.

Upon reflection, I realized that while I haven’t experienced sleep envy myself, I have been its victim. You see, although I am not a man, I am really good at sleeping. I usually fall asleep very quickly, and I can do it anywhere — in a class, at the movies, on a plane, on a bus, in a boat, with a goat, etc. Significant others usually find this cute … and then they get mad. I can now tell that a relationship has passed its honeymoon period when the guy starts taking me to task for falling asleep during a film. I don’t do it on purpose (okay, one time I did, but Heat really sucked), but I’ve always apologized profusely and made an extra effort to stay awake the next time, assuming I was in the wrong. Now that I know they’re just jealous, though, maybe I’ll keep sleeping.