Your Guide to How Ungodly Cold It Is Outside Right Now

Almost exactly a year ago, inadequate coat owners across North America were staring helplessly at weather maps colored varying shades of purple and white, like a frozen bruise. The continent was in the grip of what weatherpeople gleefully called the “Polar Vortex.” And here we are again.

It’s school closingly cold across parts of the US that normally pride itself on cold weather toughness. Dogs forced to relieve themselves outdoors are making extra sad cold butt faces. Denizens of the freezing weather have united in misery. Watchmen have grown alarmed at behavior of the wildings north of the Wall, in the Frozen Lands. Children are still singing “Let it Go” at the top of their lungs.

2015, so far, is just as shitty as 2014.