Your FitBit Is Bullshit, Says Science

Illustration for article titled Your FitBit Is Bullshit, Says Science

The next time one of your friends starts raving about their FitBit, especially if it's the kind of friend who can't shut the fuck up about their latest "find" and effectively ruins happy hour for everyone else who just wants to lose their inhibitions at the end of a tough week, feel free to stop them dead in their tracks and call them on their bullshit—because science said so.


Or, rather, because your smartphone said so. Mother Jones points to a new study showing that your iPhone or device of choice does just a good a job, if not a better one, at doing things like tracking calories and measuring activity. So why bother with a FitBit? Essentially, it boils down to convenience—jogging, cycling, and binge eating potato chips while binge watching House of Cards are all easier when you've got free hands not encumbered by a bulky-ass smartphone—and vanity, i.e. wearing a device shows how modern and down with the times you are, etc.

But, says Mitesh Patel, who led and authored the study, it doesn't really matter what device you're using to track activity if you're not actually using it. Which is why spending more time on healthy habits reigns over obsessing about what, if any, exercise you're actually getting.

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Whatever. Fuck these people and their fucking gadgets. I'm not here to throw shade on you if fitness isn't your thing. So move along if you watch HoC while eating a tub of tres leches cake. Life is short, I'm glad you found your way to forget we are all headed to the grave.

But as far as the fitness crowd - you know who the real fit people are? The ones that don't need all that stupid shit. The ones that wake up and go running in whatever shit allows them to move, Chuck Taylors if they have to because they can't find their sneakers. We don't need to change into workout gear to go for a walk or dress up like Lance fucking Armstrong to go for a bike ride. We don't need to wear $150 Lulusemen tights to do 15 half-assed crunches at the local YWCA, and we certainly don't need a tracking fucking device on our wrists to tell us we are active today. You don't need to optimize every breath, step, and shit you take with a dumb-looking gadget. Just get out there and give it an honest effort. Work your ass off and get to the brink of quitting several times, but stick through it because you are a fucking warrior. Then go home, rest, and repeat the next day.