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Your Bourgeois Beverage Says A Lot About You

Illustration for article titled Your Bourgeois Beverage Says A Lot About You

From Lindsay's kombucha to Madonna and Gwyneth's Vita Coco, bullshit beverages have never been bigger. After the jump, learn which sectors of society love each quasi-healthy, overpriced drink.

It takes a special kind of person to shell out four bucks for some vaguely fruity drink that claims to cure cancer, obesity, and/or global warming. What kind of person, exactly? Allow us (inspired, again, by Flavorwire) to break it down — who drinks what?


Vita Coco: Celebrities and GOOP readers.

Acai: Guys who went to Burning Man once and now do tai chi.

Kombucha: Hippie alcoholics.

Smartwater: Wealthy yoga moms with anxiety problems.

Fuze: Dieters who are nostalgic for Squeezit.


Hint: College girls who ran out of mixers.

Vitamin water: People with hangovers.

Pom: Rich conservatives who still shop at Whole Foods.

Chaga: Crazy people.

Ethos: Idealists.

Whiskey: Realists.

Related: Stereotyping People By Their Favorite Websites [Flavorwire]
A Strange Brew May Be A Good Thing [NYT]

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It is much cheaper to buy apple cider vinegar and drink an ounce or so a day (watered down of course). That's how I plan to live forever. That and the alcohol and the smokes.