You Will Be Shocked at What This Year's 'Best Diet' Requires of You

Illustration for article titled You Will Be Shocked at What This Years Best Diet Requires of You

U.S. News and World Report, known mostly for its essentially meaningless rankings of institutes of higher learning, is getting into the diet game. Just what you'd always hoped would happen! So, with so many fun diet trends out there, which will be No. 1? A diet that mandates you eat one lump of oats every nine and a half days and a few chocolate shavings intermittently? One that calls upon you, Gollum-like, to subsist on raw fish and fetid cave-water until bread tastes like dirt upon your greyish tongue?

Nope! The Number One Winner is a diet called the DASH Diet (unaffiliated with the Kardashians) that, um, sounds like something anyone could come up with. According to The Cut, DASH dieters should eat lean poultry, whole grains, and low-fat and fat-free milk products at least three times a day (I am very with you on that one). DASH dieters should not eat too much salt or sugar. Duh. Thanks.


In a year marked by diet plans that range from inventive (Paleo) to terrifying ("intermittent fasting"), saying "Eat low fat cheeses and veggies! Try not to have too much sugar, okay?" is unthinkable. It has defied common diet wisdom.

Image via sarsmis/Shutterstock.

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No. Low fat cheese is horrifying.

No. No No NO NO.