Jennifer Lawrence has a good, old fashioned raunchy R-rated comedy releasing this weekend, No Hard Feelings, which means we’re getting a press tour from Hollywood’s one-time title holder of quirkiest woman alive. And one of the stories J. Law shared with People has left me with a whole lot of questions.
A few years ago, apparently, Jennifer Lawrence’s mom sold her daughter’s old toilet on Craigslist. The actor said that screenwriter Lee Eisenberg, who happens to be a frequent collaborator with No Hard Feelings director Gene Stupnitsky, purchased the toilet. Just imagine someone who is essentially your colleague buying an item from your mother that you once shat into. I simply cannot.
J. Law was, unfortunately, unable to give satisfying answers to the many questions that we all have about this. Why did her mom sell a toilet on Craigslist? She doesn’t know. How did her mom get a hold of her broken toilet? “I’m like, ‘I broke it.’ My mom sold it for me,” she said. How did she know that Eisenberg purchased it? Supposedly, he was aware that it was J. Law’s commode. “That’s how we know the story now,” she says. “So thanks, Mom.” OK. Thanks for nothing.
I still have so many more questions. How did she break the toilet? Was it properly cleaned before the sale? What is the going rate for secondhand toilets? What’s the going rate for secondhand toilets that don’t work anymore? Was it special-looking in anyway, like a bright color or jewel-encrusted? Is there a heated seat with a bidet? What did the Craigslist ad say to indicate that it was Jennifer Lawrence’s latrine? I imagine advertising it as such would bring the creeps out like moths to a lamp, much like whoever paid $8,000 for Elvis’ badly soiled undies. I emailed some of these queries to Eisenberg’s reps but have yet to hear a response. (For the record, I’m not saying he is a creepy, but I do want to know his motivation for the purchase.)
There was a period at the beginning of J.Law’s rise to prominence where we couldn’t get enough of the gal’s quirky stories. When she wasn’t falling down stairs, she was talking about how hungry she was and making silly faces while walking the red carpet. I’m grateful No Hard Feelings has “lured” her back into acting so that we can learn even more about this fascinating woman’s life.