You Might Hear That Confirmed Bachelor George Clooney Is Gay, But Never That He's an Old Maid

As you may know, handsome actor George Clooney, he of the chiseled jaw and charming eye crinkles, is dating the statuesque blonde former wrestler Stacy Keibler, who, despite what you might have heard, is not related to the cookie-making elves. However, it is unlikely that Clooney will get married, says his sister. Which prompted a reporter to ask whether or not The Cloons is gay.

Are we still here? In a world where a good-looking man of a certain age who’s not married is homosexual? How very retro. Granted, it should not come as a shock, since a woman of a certain age (a younger age, a lower threshold than for men) who is not married is sad and lonely and tragic. Just think of Jennifer Aniston. The tabloids have portrayed her as desperate, obsessed, lovesick, dumped and in pain.

But usually, George Clooney escapes that kind of scrutiny… at least in the media. A quick survey around the HQ found only one person had never heard gay rumors about George Clooney. One editor: “I’ve def heard someone claim he’s gay and his agent is his boyfriend and that he bought the house in Lake Homo to be away from prying eyes.” Another of us quipped, “I feel like if George Clooney was gay, he would be the outest, swingest gay guy around.” Now, maybe. But he turned into a leading man in not-so-progressive times.

Anyway, those are just civilian rumors. There are seldom — if ever — tabloid stories about Clooney’s love life, and the general consensus is he’s a rich happy straight man sleeping with various women half his age and why should he worry about getting married? The narrative never becomes “poor Georgie can’t find love.” But for single women in the public eye, it’s different. Katy Perry is a fool. The Kardashians are alone and desperate. Even Taylor Swift, who is twenty years old, and has plenty of time before she can put knitting needles in her hair and dress like the lady on the Old Maid playing cards, is on a tabloid cover that sobs, “Why She Can’t Find Love.”

These are the stories women are sold, because these are the stories women buy. Single women are sad, dramatic. Single men? Eh, who cares. So Clooney doesn’t end up on the covers. No one wants to know why Clooney can’t find love. It’s acceptable for him to have a career and a revolving door sex life.

Still, the reporter asked, and Clooney’s sister had an answer:

Asked what she makes of rumors that her brother is secretly gay, the 52-year-old laughed.

“Yes that’s quite ridiculous, we don’t even listen when people say things like that anymore. I think he decided that in his life he could have the career or he could have a family,” she said. “And so when he decided to go full bore into the acting. That was where his focus was going to be.”

In fact the Hollywood heartthrob’s sister thinks for that same reason Clooney, 51, will also never have children.

“If he had children, when he was with them, he would be concerned about his career and if he was working he would be concerned about the children,” she said. “And he doesn’t think it would be fair to split his focus.”

Logical explanation. One that makes sense for men and women, not that you hear a lot of female celebrities say it out loud. Not that the tabloids ever tell that tale. Everyone buys a happy bachelor. No one believes in a happy bachelorette.