You Know What? Go Right Ahead and Start Christmas

Lay it on me, Mariah!!!! Photo via Getty Images.
Lay it on me, Mariah!!!! Photo via Getty Images.

In previous years, I have been the first person to loudly denounce the retailer-driven tradition of starting Christmas ever earlier, to the point it’s crowding into the summer. I have even gone so far, at one time, to declare war upon Christmas. This year? Fuck it. Go hog wild.

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Bring on the Christmas markets, I don’t even care. Photo via Getty Images.
Bring on the Christmas markets, I don’t even care. Photo via Getty Images.

Fire up Soul Christmas right now. Order some ornaments and novelty socks on your lunch break. Treat yourself to peppermint chocolate snacks, which exist only to be eaten during the month of December. Spend your Saturday night on the couch watching Love Actually while drinking Swiss Miss even if it’s still pushing 90 outside.

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Yes, jam-packed Christmas markets as far as the eye can see! Photo via Getty Images.
Yes, jam-packed Christmas markets as far as the eye can see! Photo via Getty Images.

What got the staff of Jezebel onto the subject of the holidays was, unfortunately, Blake Shelton and his entirely too intimate promotion of Gwen Stefani’s newly released seasonal single. On the one hand, it’s too much, and also it feels too early for Christmas music. On the other, listening to the Christmas music we do like feels great right now. Is this what it feels like to feel happy? Who even knows anymore!

Yes, I DO want to hear the Nutcracker Suite 17,000 times, I’m so glad you asked! Photo via Getty Images.
Yes, I DO want to hear the Nutcracker Suite 17,000 times, I’m so glad you asked! Photo via Getty Images.

In fact, I personally have already been dipping into the well of seasonal good cheer to keep myself on an emotionally even keel. Just last week, I purchased my first Christmas decorations. This week, I have caught myself causally looking around to see if I can get a skirt or dress in a kooky pattern. (Maybe some kittens with wreaths?) Next payday, I am going to treat myself to a large pile of used Christmas Regency romances from the 1990s. By mid-October I will be combing through Ebay for grandma sweatshirts that are the right degree of kitschy.

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Oh, no, wait, I’m depressed again. Photo via Getty Images.
Oh, no, wait, I’m depressed again. Photo via Getty Images.

It’s not like this has to exclude the other great fall activities. Of course you can still frolic in a pumpkin patch, or pick more apples than you can possibly use at an orchard. Just go ahead and grant yourself permission to loudly warble the lyrics to “All I Want for Christmas Is You” at any time you feel the urge. I just watched the video and I feel better and better!

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MUCH better! Photo via Getty Images.
MUCH better! Photo via Getty Images.

Look, man—do whatever is going to get you through a day that requires calling your senators yet again about healthcare while being bombarded with Trump tweets and New York Times news alerts about North Korea. Wrap empty cardboard boxes in bright metallic paper covered in stylized snowflakes. Bake cookies and make your own egg nog. Deck the halls. Ring the bells. Whatever works!

Senior Editor, Attic Haunter, Jezebel

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DISCUSSION

DarthSarah

This is only tangentially related. I absolutely LOVE christmas. But over the past few years have grown to hate it because it means as the only childless person in the family, I have to travel like 15 times in the span of a week.

Also I am having a rough day so I am already grumpy. I’ve decided to end things with Mr. Darth this weekend after five years and I’m just in a sour mood.

But I am looking forward to a Christmas with three fewer places to visit if I get the courage to do it so that’s something to look forward to right?!