Yeah, I'm Canceling Ivanka Trump's Dog

Year in Review 2019Year in Review 2019Remembering the year that you, me, and everyone we know was canceled. Rest in peace

In July, the Trump-Kushner clan gained its newest member: a snow-white dog named Winter. Between Instagram posts depicting Ivanka Trump as dutiful First Daughter and Savior of All Women lay a few photos Winter, accompanied by silly captions like “Dog Daze of Summer!” and “The road to my heart is paved with pawprints.” In every photo, Winter’s piercing blue eyes have a deadened look to them, and I’m sorry folks: I don’t trust it. This dog gives me bad vibes, so I’m canceling the bitch.

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I’ll admit right now that this is, perhaps, very fucking unfair of me. You’re probably thinking “This dog did nothing wrong!” or “It’s not the dog’s fault that it lives with Ivanka Trump and looks like it would follow you around Sephora to make sure you’re stealing anything.” Well, too fucking bad. Not all white dogs, but this dog is creepy!

Here’s more bullshit justification for canceling this White Walker cosplay of a dog: I assume that any dog that barks at me for no reason is a racist dog, especially if it’s a white dog! Ivanka’s dog 100 percent looks like the kind of dog that would bark at me for no reason! Just look at her!

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One day in September, I dropped a photo of Ivanka’s creepy Nazi dog into Slack. Jezebel Editor-in-Chief Julianne Escobedo Shepherd promptly asked me if I’d ever seen the movie White Dog. I haven’t, but apparently it’s based on an autobiographical novel by Romain Gary about a couple’s interactions with a stray Alabama police dog that was trained to attack black people on sight. Now, Winter does not appear to have the physical fortitude to carry out such attacks, but given the Trump administration’s.... everything, why should I give this dog’s politics the benefit of the doubt? For all I know, this dog is already being radicalized on YouTube.

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Sorry. I love dogs and all, but this one has bad energy. I’m not bringing that into 2020 with me, period. Bye.

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About the author

Ashley Reese

Staff writer, mint chocolate hater.