Welcome to Would U Live There, a new series in which we decide if we would live in a celebrity or otherwise notable home. Here are the rules: You can’t change anything about the space (the furniture, art, fixtures, upholstery, and weird bric-a-brac all stay as is) and we are judging a home based purely on its interior, so ignore things like fancy location, rent, or property taxes. You also have to live there until you die. This is supposed to be fun and kind of philosophical so everyone be cool. Let’s Would U.
Money can’t buy happiness, but it can certainly feed your most nostalgic impulses. Is the last time you remember feeling real joy sometime in childhood? Perhaps it was when your room looked like a unicorn threw up all over everything, and your greatest concern was what PJs to bring to the sleepover Saturday night. Good times, right? Hotels.com is banking on both your melancholy and your inability to grow up by launching its own “Lisa Frank Flat by Barsala, Los Angeles” in Downtown LA. The 3-star digs are only available for stays October 11-27, which seems insane because they’re clearly going to make so much money off of this. Also, I can’t tell you how expensive it is, because it is already fully booked.
My question to you, however, is this: Would you live there forever, if you could? The location is sick—it’s close to public transit and is only a 19 minute walk to the Staples Center—but this is a series about the internal furnishings of a place and not what city it is in. Could you live in this rainbow hell scape until the day you die? Or will you find yourself slowly losing your mind, unable to remember what day, year, or even decade it is?
Let’s take a look before answering.
This is the bedroom. Wink, wink. Magic.... markers happen here:
How about that desk area? It’s no bigger than a dorm, but remember, you’re supposed to be feel childlike in here:
It’s stocked to the brim with fun stationery, huh? Don’t let the obnoxious branding fool you, this is exactly what it was like to be a child. Remember your life before taxes? That was fun! F-U-N, FUN!
Check out that kitchen, too. Damn, dog, that’s all the rainbow candy your heart can take. And are those Cheez Balls I spy in the far corner? It’s ripe for a slumber party, y’all:
But nothing—and I mean, nothing—tops the shower. I don’t mean to swear, but my God:
Hot pink robes? My favorite vintage issues of Teen Magazine to read while on the john? Wow.
But I am just one person, and Jezebel has a team built of differing opinions. Let them begin, and then you can answer for yourself—would you live here?
Lisa Fischer: I would not live there but would take acid there.
Maria Sherman: That is a great suggestion.
Megan Reynolds: I would only live there if I was high the entire time.
Maria Sherman: An adult slumber party, with acid, interesting...
Lisa Fischer: It’s called Burning Man, Maria.
Alexis Sobel Fitts: I would live there but only if given dramamine/valium to be able to sleep.
Lisa Fischer: I love that everyone needs to be on drugs to be there.
Kelly Faircloth: I do live here, this is my house.
Alexis Sobel Fitts: And I could paint over the Hotels.com logo.
Maria Sherman: You can’t change anything about the house! That’s the one rule.
Esther Wang: Yeah, I would need drugs.
Julianne Escobedo Shepherd: I would absolutely live there completely sober but they would have to throw in a lotta lasers and allow me to invite 250 people over.
Megan Reynolds: Then I will live there but only if I am really stoned the whole time.
Alexis Sobel Fitts: I hope there are YMs in the magazine pile.
Maria Sherman: Do you think you’d forget what year/decade it is, if you lived there for so long? All you have are a bunch of 90s teen mags? And time has forgotten you?
Katie McDonough: I would sooner die than live there.
Maria Sherman: Hm, Katie, tell me more.
Katie McDonough: Home is a sanctuary!!!
Stassa Edwards: I’m with Katie on this one. I’d stumble into the bathroom in the middle of the night and die from a heart attack when I think those dolphins are serial killers that have broken in.
Kelly Faircloth: In all honesty, i would not live here but i would live here if it was 80s romance novel covers
Katie McDonough: Me going to my death, saying goodbye to my friends and family: “this is better than living surrounded by neon dolphins”
Megan Reynolds: My answer almost always is “I would” because it is a house and I get to live there alone, right?
Alexis Sobel Fitts: This is an apartment. Is it free?
Megan Reynolds: Whatever. Who cares! Is anyone else in there? Or is it just me? And the dolphs?
Maria Sherman: Sure, why not, it is free! You live alone, but with dolphins.
Kelly Faircloth: Just hold out for a Lisa Frank house with a butterfly garden.
Stassa Edwards: I think in “would u live there”—it’s free and you have to live there the rest of your life without changing anything.
Megan Reynolds: Then I am saying fucking yes to the dress.
Maria Sherman: The bed looks small to me, which is a problem for my forever home.
Kelly Faircloth: Honestly, it looks very cheaply furnished
Stassa Edwards: And you can’t say yes because you can leverage the mortgage or resell
Kelly Faircloth: I won’t live with a crummy couch.
Stassa Edwards: Because otherwise, I’d say yes to every expensive house.
Megan Reynolds: Yeah my requirements are so simple. It is “Am I alone?” Oh, does it have a washer/dryer?
Maria Sherman: There is not a washer/dryer in any of the 19 photographs provided by hotels.com.
Kelly Faircloth: Free room service but it’s all Lunchables.
Maria Sherman: There’s a bunch of food provided, but it’s only candy and cheez balls, so, you WOULD die there.
Megan Reynolds: Oh. I love cheez balls.
Kelly Faircloth: I mean scurvy in the Lisa Frank house is definitely the funniest way to die.
Clover Hope: All this color would give me migraines. I’m a minimalist.
Megan Reynolds: I would def sink into agoraphobia in here. Send my laundry out. There’s a TV, so that’s chill
Stassa Edwards: Megan pivots to Howard Hughes in the Lisa Frank house
Megan Reynolds: PLEASE, it is all I’ve wanted. Maria, after considering all the options, I think I would.
Maria Sherman: I believe you are on the right side of history here
Now, fellow nostalgia nerds, Would U?