Illustration for article titled Would You Live in Dr. Phils Sons Tim Burton-Inspired Hell Mansion?
Screenshot: Billy Dolan with Hilton & Hyland (Realtor.com)

Welcome to Would U Live There, a series in which we decide if we would live in a celebrity or otherwise notable home. Here are the rules: You can’t change anything about the space (the furniture, art, fixtures, upholstery, and weird bric-a-brac all stay as is) and we are judging a home based purely on its interior, so ignore things like fancy location, rent, or property taxes. You also have to live there until you die. This is supposed to be fun and kind of philosophical so everyone be cool. Let’s Would U.  

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Money can’t buy taste, and it surely cannot stop your large adult son from furnishing his Los Angeles mansion with a bunch of bullshit from Hot Topic. Case in point: Dr. Phil’s son Jordan McGraw (who apparently makes music or something? Honestly, who knows) has listed his 21,109 square foot, five-bedroom, six-bath home complete with private spa and canyon views, located at 1642 San Ysidro Drive in Beverly Hills, for $5,750,000. That in and of itself isn’t really newsworthy—but Jordan’s “Tim Burton-inspired” design aesthetic is.

I don’t want to spoil it for you. Before you form your opinion, let’s take a look at the property.

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Illustration for article titled Would You Live in Dr. Phils Sons Tim Burton-Inspired Hell Mansion?
Screenshot: Billy Dolan with Hilton & Hyland (Realtor.com)

What a beautiful backyard! I’d love to lounge there.

Illustration for article titled Would You Live in Dr. Phils Sons Tim Burton-Inspired Hell Mansion?
Screenshot: Billy Dolan with Hilton & Hyland (Realtor.com)

Just think of all the summertime barbecuing. It’s great.

Illustration for article titled Would You Live in Dr. Phils Sons Tim Burton-Inspired Hell Mansion?
Screenshot: Billy Dolan with Hilton & Hyland (Realtor.com)
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An outdoor fireplace? Sign me up. But what about the front of the house?

Illustration for article titled Would You Live in Dr. Phils Sons Tim Burton-Inspired Hell Mansion?
Screenshot: Billy Dolan with Hilton & Hyland (Realtor.com)
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Surprise! It is also gorgeous.

Illustration for article titled Would You Live in Dr. Phils Sons Tim Burton-Inspired Hell Mansion?
Screenshot: Billy Dolan with Hilton & Hyland (Realtor.com)
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In fact, the entire exterior is gorgeous. So why is this home a hell mansion? Well, why don’t you enter for yourself and find out.

Illustration for article titled Would You Live in Dr. Phils Sons Tim Burton-Inspired Hell Mansion?
Screenshot: Billy Dolan with Hilton & Hyland (Realtor.com)
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That is why.

Illustration for article titled Would You Live in Dr. Phils Sons Tim Burton-Inspired Hell Mansion?
Screenshot: Billy Dolan with Hilton & Hyland (Realtor.com)
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And that.

Illustration for article titled Would You Live in Dr. Phils Sons Tim Burton-Inspired Hell Mansion?
Screenshot: Billy Dolan with Hilton & Hyland (Realtor.com)
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Also that.

Illustration for article titled Would You Live in Dr. Phils Sons Tim Burton-Inspired Hell Mansion?
Screenshot: Billy Dolan with Hilton & Hyland (Realtor.com)
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It’s all really so bad.

Illustration for article titled Would You Live in Dr. Phils Sons Tim Burton-Inspired Hell Mansion?
Screenshot: Billy Dolan with Hilton & Hyland (Realtor.com)
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The Star Wars Etsy art? Come on, dude.

How does anyone live like this? Would you? Do you think we here at Jezebel would? Well, surprise, surprise! Jezebel is a team built of differing opinions. Let them begin, and then you can answer for yourself in the poll and comments below—would you live here?

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Maria Sherman: Would you live in Dr. Phil’s vomitorium?

Rich Juzwiak:

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Maria Sherman: Nevermind, I guess.

Hazel Cills: OMG.

Maria Sherman: But maybe not?

Rich Juzwiak: Right. It’s still something.

Maria Sherman: I agree. It is... something.

Hazel Cills: It is incredibly ugly. I don’t understand rich people who want to live in a theme park restaurant. All that money and you want your house to look like Rainforest Cafe? OK.

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Ashley Reese: LOL. Rainforest Cafe, whfioawhfiaowefhiaw.

Hazel Cills: Then again, I love Gloria Vanderbilt’s quilted apartment, so to each her own.

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Molly Osberg: Hm. Personally I am extremely into these vines. And is that hip Darth Vader art?

Ashley Reese: Oh god. That looks like something on a Threadless t-shirt from 2008.

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Hazel Cills: Such an aesthetic. I hate it.

Ashley Reese: Am I WRONG?

Maria Sherman: You are not wrong.

Julianne Escobedo Shepherd: I need to know why he needs a gun room...

Molly Osberg: Wait, I’m sorry... this is literally Tim Burton inspired? Dr. Phil is a hard dude! Okay, I actually love this house and would 100% live there.

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Hazel Cills: Molly, his son, if I remember, is obsessed with Tim Burton and decorated it.

Molly Osberg: A “rocker,” I see.

Maria Sherman: But would you live there, unable to change the fixtures? I believe I would, but only because I’m not in the position to say no to a house in Beverly Hills.

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Molly Osberg: This house looks like Charlie from Driveshaft decorated it. Art imitates life, etc. Can I turn the paintings around so I don’t have to stare at Edward Scissorhands all day?

Maria Sherman: Molly, unfortunately you cannot. Stare into the star wars folk art or bust.

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Molly Osberg: Okay, I still would, but I would probably exclusively live in this outdoor kitchen situation and never actually enter the house.

Now it’s your turn. Would you live in Dr. Phil’s son’s Tim Burton-inspired hell mansion?

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Senior Writer, Jezebel. My debut book, LARGER THAN LIFE: A History of Boy Bands, is out July 21.

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