Worst Christmas Song Ever: Let's Narrow It Down To The Frightful Four

Only one more voting day to go until we’re down to the Frightful Four in our Search for the Worst Christmas Song Ever. Let’s rip your least-beloved holiday classic to shreds like the wrapping paper covering that rock tumbler your parents never gave you. The time to vote is nigh!

Click above to enlarge, or go here for a printable version of the original bracket.

I’d like to take a moment to pour one out for our dearly departed suckbombs, “Do They Know it’s Christmas?” and “Toyland.” Both songs fought admirable battles, but were vanquished decisively by their more hated competitors, “The Christmas Shoes” and “All I Want for Christmas is My Two Front Teeth.” These two stinkers will face each other in the first round of The Finals next week, but for now, let’s focus on the matchups at hand.

“Grandma Got Run Over by a Reindeer” vs. “Feliz Navidad”

There’s not much more to say about “Grandma Got Run Over by a Reindeer,” aside from the fact that its vaguely menacing hillbilly vibe always kind of reminded me of The Texas Chainsaw Massacre, and it sucks. But don’t underestimate the power of “Feliz Navidad,” the Taco Bell of Spanish language Christmas songs. It reduces the entirety of Christmas to a cartoon mariachi band.

“Wonderful Christmas Time” vs. “Santa Claus is Coming to Town”

Perhaps we’re being unfair to “Wonderful Christmas Time.” After all, rarely does a work of art successfully encapsulate the feeling of going insane, much less in song. And it’s even more of an achievement for a musical work to capture the sound of Paul McCartney going insane. And “Santa Claus is Coming to Town” manages to take a beloved children’s myth and turn it into a song about a terrifying bearded stalker who brings children playthings called, mysteriously, “rooty toot toots and rommy tom toms.”