World's Biggest Sea Turtle Crashes Beach Wedding to Lay Eggs

A beach wedding in St. Croix was derailed when an unexpected guest dragged herself out of the depths of the sea and made Brianna’s special day ALL ABOUT HER. It was an enormous, majestic leatherback sea turtle—the largest species of turtle in the world—and girl was just looking for quiet place to lay her eggs without a bunch of dumb humans ugly-crying about the power of love while Janet from work reads that fucking e.e. cummings wedding poem out loud. Unfortunately, BAD NEWS, TURTLE. You got here just in time for Corinthians.

An attendee published photos of the wedding crasher on Reddit over the weekend:

Immediately after the ceremony during cocktail hour everyone is mingling and sipping on their beverage of choice when i overhear one of my friends say with a good bit of excitement in his voice “look at that turtle!”

I break conversation and turn around to see this monster coming out of the surf.

We watched it for a while. It came ashore, circled around digging a hole, laid it’s eggs on the beach, covered them back up, and rolled back out into the ocean.

Now that’s a memorable event at your wedding

“CAN I LIVE?” – that turtle

The possibility that a rare gigantic sea turtle might show up and poop out some slime-eggs in the middle of my nuptials is probably the only reason I’d even consider a beach wedding (beaches are fucking cold and windy and I don’t need a sand-cloud in my face when I’m trying to crush some mini-quiches). So, kudos to these people for stealing my dream life.

Also, have any of you ever seen a sea turtle lay eggs? It’s fucking gross!!! A pulsating, mucus-themed turtle glop is the PRECISE OPPOSITE of a manicured destination Pinterest wedding. It’s like riding up to the altar on a white horse and then right when you say “I do,” a foal kersplooshes out of its horse-vagina on a stinky waterfall of afterbirth. Love it. 10/10.