Women's 'Weakness' Is an Age-Old Defense for Men Like Harvey Weinstein
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When I was 19, I met an older man so handsome and smart I could barely breathe. When friends asked why I’d suddenly become so distracted, I explained the curve of his jaw, or the way he looked at me when asking me about myself. He was, as I saw it, perfect. Until he showed up at my apartment one night and plied me with alcohol. We drank beer after beer while he cracked jokes. When he moved me to the bed, I protested, then laughed, because I trusted him. He insisted, all but carrying me. When unzipped my pants, I protested again. Then he looked down at me and laughed, and so I laughed, too paralyzed to form words.
The next morning, when friends asked me how my night had gone, I laughed again and told them it was the best I’d ever had. I kept up the charade for over a year, when he would show up to my apartment again, or invite me out. If I pretended like everything was fine, nobody would know how powerless and small I felt, especially him. Nobody would know how many nights I sat at the window, wishing I would jump, wishing that someday I’d be strong enough to say no.
It is not wholly unusual that it took me over five years to admit I’d been sexually assaulted. Despite living and reporting through the bulk of MeToo, I hadn’t reckoned with the overwhelming shame and powerlessness I’d felt. Or the fear that, were I to speak it out loud, I’d have to endure the accusations that I should have never accepted the first drink, or that I should have never seen him afterward, or that I should have spoken up sooner. What would my parents think of me? The friends I’d lied to for so long? And legally, there was certainly nothing I could do to explain to lawyers or police the text messages and post-rape visits.
During Harvey Weinstein’s ongoing trial, his lawyer Donna Rottuno plucked those same fears out from the minds of countless sexual assault survivors. In an interview with New York Times reporter Megan Twohey, Rotunno claimed she had never been assaulted because “I would never put myself in that position.” In this imagined hierarchy of women, Rotunno sees herself as a strong and empowered lawyer, too smart to accept drinks from men or enter their hotel rooms. In contrast, Weinstein’s accusers aren’t nearly as smart; they’re too weak to fight off sexual predators, too weak to defend themselves in court, too weak to tell the truth. It’s a classic legal strategy that victims alleging sexual assault have been at the mercy of time and time and time again.
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