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Women Faking Orgasms, Ruining Sex for Everyone

Illustration for article titled Women Faking Orgasms, Ruining Sex for Everyone

According to a study talked about on every single commercial radio morning show in all of America, 60% of women fake orgasms with regularity. We do it for various reasons — because we're too tired or because we just want the sex to be over with or because the guy's really trying his hardest and we want to make him feel good about himself by pretending that we're enjoying it much more than we actually are.

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In his epic rant against this practice, blogger Yashar points out the myriad ways that ladies faking orgasms perpetuates the idea that sex is for men and that their pleasure doesn't matter, that the sound of a woman faking an orgasm isn't the sound of a woman enjoying herself, but rather the sound of an unsatisfied woman working to satisfy the already exploding male ego."

Yowch.

But women are complicated, some argue, and their sexual pleasure is based on much more than the physical. He calls bullshit on this idea as well, adding,

We persist in this illusion that women are sexually and emotional complicated so we don't have to show them the care and affection they need. We can put it on them. It's really easy to say, "Oh, she's so complicated," as if a woman is a labyrinth that only three men in the world can solve.

As a result, we can justify why we don't or can't give her what she needs, because it's just too hard to figure her out.

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But men aren't to blame for the fact that women continue to perpetuate the myth that they're much better in bed than they actually are.

It's not that having an orgasm is critical during every sexual juncture; it's that faking it takes women away from themselves. Faking it with any regularity generally leads to a path of a lifetime of sexual dissatisfaction, and dissatisfaction in general.

It isn't difficult to see that once you fake an orgasm, you open the door for future orgasm fakery, and once you stop faking, you'll have to explain to your partner that you'd actually been faking this entire time, which will result in awkwardness on a much larger scale than if you'd dared let a man think, for five minutes, that he isn't actually the reincarnation of Don Juan DeMarco. However, blaming women for the fact that men are bad in bed is tricky territory, sort of like blaming public school teachers for the fact that a shocking number of college freshmen arrive on campus unable to put their pants and count to ten on without assistance. Their teachers could only do so much! It's not entirely the teacher's fault that the kids don't like to do their homework, or for the fact that after school all the kids do is eat Flamin' Hot Cheetos and watch cartoons or porn or cartoon porn. Yes, ending sexual grade inflation might send men a clear message that sex isn't about stroking the male ego as well as the trouser sausage, but blaming a cornucopia of social ills on the horizontal fakers among us won't fix what lies at the root of the problem. Curing the symptom won't cure the disease.

Still, he's got the right idea. Men probably don't need to be told every day that they're the greatest OH MY GOD biggest ever harder yes right there every day. And women do need to tell men what they want and need from them if they ever hope to get it. It probably wouldn't hurt for many of us to have a little bit of what he's having.

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He Doesn't Deserve Your Validation: Putting the Fake Orgasm Out of Business [The Current Conscience]

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DISCUSSION

I think some of the time it's not even that men are bad in bed, it's that now that we've all acknowledged that female orgasms exist and that men who want to be considered good in bed should work really hard at getting women to have them, it's impossible to tell a guy that you had a great time, it all felt fantastic, you'll happily do it all over again but you didn't come. And no matter how much you say, "But that's okay! I don't always have to orgasm to enjoy myself. It felt great! You're a tiger in the sack!" the guy sits there with this hangdog look and sad offers of hand-jobs.

Men, please, listen up, if we're going to be honest with you about our orgasms, you have to accept our honesty about everything related to the topic, which includes "it felt great, you were awesome" even when the answer to "did you come?" is "no."