Woman with No Pants Steals Two Boxes of Franzia

Today in indomitable moxie (and, almost certainly, mental illness and/or addiction), a Florida woman walked into a supermarket with no pants and walked out with two boxes of Franzia wine. Livin’ all the dreams at once.

Via TheGloss:

Grocery store security footage reveals a Florida woman walking proudly through the aisles, wearing nothing but an oversized t-shirt Winnie the Pooh-style, swiping some Franzia, and heading back out the door. According to one HLN reporter, “The store manager tried to stop her, but she refused to surrender the wine. If she is arrested, she can face at least one count of retail theft, and she just may have to wear jail pants.”

Honestly, none of the individual components of this story are particularly irrational: Cheap wine is awesome. Not wearing pants is awesome. Figuring out what you want and GOING FOR IT is the American Dream. That said, hopefully this woman is able to find the kind of compassionate, constructive help she needs, rather than the punitive, law-enforcement-driven “help” that our culture generally prefers.

Police, reportedly, are still searching for her. Fortunately, a foolproof disguise should be easy to find.