Woman Who Once Dressed Like a Sexy Can of Whipped Cream Says Duchess of Sussex's Dress Was Ill-Fitting

Katy Perry—a woman who has dressed like a literal piece of candy, a geisha, a carousel, a sexy whipped cream can, a movie ticket, dime store Cleopatra, a graffitied wall, Britney Spears circa 2001, Armie Hammer, an angel fit for the top of Christmas tree, and whatever this was, to name just a few—has a problem with Meghan Markle’s wedding dress.

I know what you’re doing: you’re holding your breath right now, anxiously anticipating Perry’s assessment of Markle’s dress, because it’s the kind of thumbs up or thumbs down that can just make or break a young fashionista’s career, right? Just kidding, of course you’re not!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

“I would have done one more fitting,” Perry said to Entertainment Tonight. “I’m never not going to tell the truth! One more fitting, but I love you.” She added that Kate Middleton’s dress (a Grace Kelly-evoking but frankly boring Alexander McQueen gown) was better than Markle’s, which was a minimalist, long-sleeved Givenchy gown. “Kate won!” Perry said.

What on Earth would we do without the fashion criticism of Katy Perry, whose style has inspired countless designers of highly flammable, budget-bin Halloween costumes? I certainly don’t know!