A woman was recently dragged off an airplane after she failed to put her growling, snapping dog in its carrier before takeoff. A fellow passenger filmed the incident (as one does) and if nothing else, we should recognize this lady’s convincing performance as a deeply disturbed human who loves her tiny helldog more than anything else on this hideously flawed earth.
The video should be watched to fully understand the urgency of the meltdown (and might I draw your attention to the expression on the poor man seated next to her), but the woman is highly quotable. Some favorites:
- “This is the worst airplane I have ever been on!”
- “I’m not gonna go to jail, mister!”
- “Don’t you take my dog, you lout!”
- “This is my dog and I’m gonna sue this country!”
- “Askjsdkcsqwroiuasjdlkjeglakmsflamcaoaejl!!!!” [Indecipherable shrieking heard all the way down the jetway]
That last sentiment is one most fliers have felt at one or another point, especially if they fly United.
Actually, I’m one of those masochists who flies United, so allow me to geek out here for a second: This all went down on United Express flight 6227. This particular jaunt is flown on adorable little baby jets, those wee things you see nursing at the teat of an airport’s tiniest jetways; they are compact little tubes that are the size of a Boeing 747’s cock, if airplanes had cocks. Point is, there’s very limited under-seat storage in these crammed quarters. You’re lucky if you can fit a medium-sized laptop bag on the floor—a dog is going to be a tight squeeze. What’s more, the woman appears to be sitting in a bulkhead seat, where there’s not even a seat in front of her under which she might store anything at all, let alone an animal.
I only mention this because I’m curious as to why this lady was allowed on the flight, in that particular seat, in the first place. United Express carriers (in this case, SkyWest) allow in-cabin pets at their discretion and Batshit Betty appears to have a very tiny dog, but floor storage on these airplanes is next to nothing. And why was she permitted to sit somewhere without under-seat storage? You have to pay for an in-cabin pet in advance of your flight, so someone knew that a woman with a dog would be seated somewhere that just wasn’t going to work... Seating her anywhere on the plane would’ve been fine, basically, but the bulkhead.
Not that a more appropriate seat would have changed the fact that Batshit Betty wouldn’t even put her growling dog in its carrier when she was asked to do so.
In-cabin protocol is messy. In-cabin pets are messy. In-cabin passengers with apparent issues are messy. As is the case with most things involving commercial aviation, nobody wins. Ever.
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