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Woman Finds God In Bruise • Dolphins Considered "Non-Human Persons"

Illustration for article titled Woman Finds God In Bruise • Dolphins Considered Non-Human Persons

• A woman from Florida claims she returned from a visit with the doctor only to find that her bruise contained an image of Jesus. She says the appearance of the face "strengthened her faith." ABC Newscasters aren't convinced. •


The US Transportation Security Administration has stepped up requirements for travelers flying from Nigeria, Yemen, Pakistan, Cuba, Iran, Sudan and Syria - and several other countries "of interest" - as part of new anti-terrorism measures. However, many criticize the new standards, which include a full-body scan, for being invasive and racist. • And it seems that European airports may not be cooperating with the recently-implemented rules. According to reporters for the Associated Press, little has changed on the ground in Europe. • Writer and birther Joseph Farah is leading a campaign against Wikipedia after he found offensive comments on his page, which described him as a "noted homosexual." • The Secret Service is investigating reports of an effigy of Barack Obama found hanging in the hometown of ex-president Jimmy Carter. The doll wore a red, white and blue sign that read: "Plains, Georgia. Home of Jimmy Carter, our 39th President." • I swear I've read this article at least four times in the past year, but anyway: 50% of women admit to lying to their partner or husband about spending money on clothing or beauty products. • A former mayor from the UK has admitted to breaking into women's homes in order to steal their underwear. Ian Stafford appeared in court on Monday and plead guilty to three counts of burglary (not to mention infinite charges of creepiness). • A new study has found that students who successfully complete the two years required by Teach for America are less charitable than their peers who were rejected from the program, and even those that dropped out. However, Teach for America graduates were more involved with education, a finding which professor Monica C. Higgins finds "consistent with their current mission." • The Erotic Heritage Museum in Las Vegas has been forced by Clark County to cover the nipples of two women on a mural with sparkly pasties. Museum curator Laura Henkel has complied with the county's wishes, but she claims the piece is art and does not need to be censored. • Producers for the new Celebrity Big Brother claim that they were inspired by the Sartre-coined maxim "hell is other people" in the design of the new house. This, along with several other pop-culture tidbits, leads the Independent to declare "goth is in." • In America we have $300 skin creams, in Japan they have collagen-enhanced foods. Different methods, same (nonexistent) results. • Several recent studies indicate that dolphins are a lot smarter than we previously thought, smarter even than chimps and the average 3-year-old. Thomas White, professor of ethics at Loyola Marymont University, suggests that "dolphins are ‘non-human persons' who qualify for moral standing as individuals." •

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I have never, ever understood the whole 'I saw Jesus/Virgin Mary in a pizza/dirty winshield/air freshener' business.

People know there aren't any photos of these people, right?

How do you know Jesus didn't look like Danny DeVito? Maybe you should look for the Big Jee on the side of a Limoncello bottle. Or you might have more luck looking for him after draining a liquor bottle...

You, dear lady, have a bruise that looks vaguely like a bearded man. Devendra Banhart, maybe. Or Grizzly Adams. While that is very, very exciting, I don't see why this is on the national news. FFS.