Woman Arrested After Turning Wal-Mart Into Meth Lab

A woman’s attempt to turn her local Wal-Mart into a makeshift meth lab ran afoul of the law after spending six hours unsuccessfully trying to concoct crystal meth in the store. This is the best store related illicit multitasking since Horne’s Department Store recruited perfume counter employees for prostitution work at One Eyed Jack’s!

Per an MSNBC report, 45-year-old Elizabeth Alisha Greta Halfmoon of Tulsa, Oklahoma arrived at the store at noon yesterday and remained there until the evening mixing chemicals and the such and scurrying back and forth. That’s because she was trying to concoct herself some crystal. Meth, that is. Powdery white gold. Oklahoma tea.

Security workers said they called police immediately after noticing how weird she was acting, which means that we’ve finally discovered the limit to how weird you’re legally allowed to act in a Wal Mart store without getting arrested. Standing in front of a condom display and reading the labels aloud to your friends with a Scottish accent while baked out of your gourd? Not weird enough to get arrested in Wal-Mart. Cooking meth? Weird enough.

Halfmoon freely admitted what she was trying to do, and reportedly told officials that she tried to make the drugs using ingredients she found in the big box behemoth because she couldn’t afford to purchase them herself and take them home. One responding officer burned his hand on a vial of chemicals.

Her fellow shoppers expressed annoyance that Halfmoon could have caused Wal-Mart to blow up, not that someone was so poor and desperate that they tried to make meth in a Wal-Mart.