Witch Claims to Know What the Kardashians Will Do Next 

In a promo for the upcoming season of E!’s improbably successful Tyler Henry: Hollywood Medium, the lying, 21-year-old witch claims to see a love triangle on the horizon while reading sisters Khloé Kardashian and Kylie Jenner.

“Someone tries to get with one sister, and then tries to get with the other,” he says while making this face over his notepad filled with Ring-like scribbles:

In the same promo, E!’s least convincing liar pretends not to know Bobby Brown was ever married to Whitney Houston. “I’m seeing a mother connecting hands with a child,” he says to Brown, who bursts into tears.

“My ex-wife was Whitney Houston,” Brown responds.

“Woooooooow,” sighs the con artist, who isn’t even trying anymore.

I’m shocked that this man continues to scam celebrities into playing his twisted little game, and even more shocked that the best drama he could come up with for the Kardashians involved a silly little love triangle. How quaint!

[E!]

This story made me feel like a rusty old old coffee can filled with years and years of bacon grease. Imagine “coming back” after all of that!

[Us Weekly]

Meanwhile, someone got a new tat:

• Allllllllll of John wants nonnnnnnnnnne of Jeff... [TMZ]
  
• People landed the week’s most boring exclusive! [People]
  
• Who the hell is Chandler Parsons?! Bella, you need to get better at keeping me in the loop!!! [TMZ]
  
• “Thank you for your advice, Jennifer Lopez.” - Beyoncé [Page Six]
  
• When will the tabloids learn that Kristen Stewart gives no fucks about Robert Pattinson’s dating life? [Gossip Cop]
  
• Sports news I can get behind. [Naughty Gossip]