Will Somebody Please Hang Out With Dev Patel on His Birthday?

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Dev Patel’s birthday is coming up, but instead of forcing his friends to spend an evening in the backyard of a bar and then diving under a table when they try to sing “Happy Birthday” to him, he has opted to contemplate his own mortality without the help of a single human being.


Page Six spoke to Patel about his impending 29th birth anniversary—April 23, to be exact—and it was really fucking depressing. “I won’t do anything special to celebrate the special day,” he said. “I’ll be by myself. Maybe do something nice. Or hide altogether. I usually spend it alone.”

As a Taurus, Patel is likely stubborn and determined, so I imagine no amount of cajoling will convince him that the only way to mark the passage of a year on Earth is with at least ten friends, five tequila shots, and a next-day hangover vicious enough to remind you that you are now too old to drink.

Still, if you happen to see Patel on April 23, please insist ceaselessly that he let you hang out with him for at least a few minutes. Birthdays are best shared with friends and complete strangers who read celebrity blog posts on the internet, after all.

[Page Six]

Tyra Banks thinks that being smart is sexy. This is good! Tyra Banks also thinks that literally licking brains is sexy. This is weird! Isn’t this weird? I’m sorry, but it is weird.

I am not a neurologist but I am under the impression that brains are not meant to be licked. Sure, they look like giant wads of chewed gum, but the cerebral cortex does not take kindly to human saliva. Be smart! Be sexy! Be smart and sexy! But if you see an errant brain out there, do not rub your tongue on it, no matter what Tyra says.



  • Something terrible has happened to Channing Tatum’s head. [E! Online]
  • I have long told the men I know who carry books around to look hot that actually they look pretentious, but these hot models prove me wrong. [New York Post]
  • I am still recovering from the news that Idris Elba is getting married but I am glad fiancée Sabrina Dhowre had a fun bachelorette party. [Bossip]
  • Game of Thrones drove Kit Harington to therapy, which, same. [Page Six]


Assistant Undersecretary of Only Okay

I hate my birthday because trying to do anything with people is always a let down. It’s partially my own fault because I get so stressed from it coming up and wanting not to be disappointed that I get in my head. My friends are banned from my birthday because all I do is make them miserable and then have to apologize and make it up to them that I’m such a birthday bummer. But also: last year (when I turned 30) for my birthday I had to move, and the only friend I had who helped sighed dramatically the whole time and then ditched out early without saying goodbye.

If Patel wants to spend his birthday being sad and dramatic let him. I plan on spending mine watching that episode of Ally McBeal where Sting shows up over and over, crying into a Cup-a-Noodles and writing Facebook posts only I can see about how no man will ever love me.