WHY'D IT HAVE TO BE SNAKES???

Image via Lucasfilm/Paramount.
Image via Lucasfilm/Paramount.

It’s FRIDAY, baby, and the temps are climbing! Why not cool off with a trip to the pool? I know some folks in Thousand Oaks, California who have one and they’d love to have you over. Two housekeeping things, though: First, the house is over an hourlong drive from Downtown Los Angeles (the I-5, am I right??!!) and, second, the pool in which you’ll be taking your refreshing dip is full of alligators.

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No big though, right? Again, this is a friend with a pool we’re talking about here. Besides, it the gator boyz get too rowdy, you can always take a break inside the house. But—just a FYI—the house does happen to be infested by poisonous snakes so the owner, a fella by the name of Todd Kates, asks that you be respectful.

According to the L.A. Times, investi...gators were called to Kates’s chill-ass crash pad (yeah, bruh, feel free to spend the night!) after a neighbor spotted a loose cobra on the property, leading the County of Los Angeles Department of Animal Care and Control to get a search warrant. Inside the home, they “recovered at least 84 snakes” and Kates was arrested. They also discovered that Kates was storing even more reptiles in a storage unit outside of town.

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The L.A. Times reports:

Inside a murky pool on the Thousand Oaks property, officers found eight crocodilians, each 2 to 3 feet long, Barre said. Mayeda identified them as American alligators.

Investigators had to drain the pool to see whether other predators were lurking at the bottom.

[...]

Among the “very dangerous, venomous reptiles” were spitting cobras, king cobras and at least one moncoled cobra, Mayeda told reporters.

Kates was permitted to possess dangerous and highly regulated reptiles at the off-site storage site — where at least 20 snakes were kept — but he appeared to be in violation of the rules...

Gary Pentis, undersheriff of the Ventura County Sheriff’s Department, documented the animal removal on Twitter:

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So you see? The gators aren’t even USING the pool right now.

Managing Editor, Jezebel

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DISCUSSION

adrastra
Adrastra, patron saint of not giving a fuck

You know what, I am going to one day move to the fucking taiga, where nature is too fucking cold so that I don’t have to deal with this kind of shit. I like the snow, I like the cold, and I’m a lot more chill with the possibility of running into, idk a reindeer or polar bear than a FUCKING REPTILE. FUCK REPTILES.