I recently engaged in some light mockery of a People Magazine contest encouraging brides-to-be to lose weight before their weddings. But some commenters pointed out why this is no joking matter: Did you know that these women are, like, fat?
And you do know how unhealthy that is, right?
Holy shit, you guys, why didn’t you say something earlier? People Magazine is doing women everywhere a public service by worrying so much about our health for us. And to think I almost dismissed this initiative out of hand! Let’s take a closer look at this valuable asset that’s been gifted to our gender.
Here’s how the magazine describes this contest: “For the Next Nine Months, We’re Following These Six Women as They Work with a Trainer and a Nutritionist to Get Smaller for Their Big Day.” It is illustrated with a photograph of each woman grimacing as she struggles to fit into a dresses that is too small for her.
I’m sure by “smaller,” People really means “healthier.” And I’m sure by illustrating the piece with a photograph of each woman grimacing as she struggles to fit into a dresses that is too small for her, People really means for us to be seeing visions of crisp apples and unrolled yoga mats and shit. After all, as commenter Kit-Kat writes: “This is not about losing weight for purely aesthetic reasons. These women need to lose weight for health reasons.” And they desperately need to do it juuuust before their wedding days, when everyone in their lives will be intently judging how unhealthy they are-in a totally non-aesthetic manner, of course. (As a special gift for their weddings, these loved ones will also conveniently ignore all the ways that diets like this are actually bad for you).
But don’t take it from me: let’s hear it straight from the dieters themselves:
* “Eager to ‘be healthier,’ Jones adds, ‘I’d want to lose weight whether I was getting married or not.’ But the thought of standing before 150 guests at the Biltmore Estate in Asheville, N.C., on her wedding day is ‘an extra motivating factor,’ she admits. ‘I want to enjoy taking pictures-not running from the camera!'”
* “When Councell, 35, tried on wedding dresses for the first time, she was shocked to find out she was a size 16. ‘I’ll get married in a blanket before I buy a size-16 gown!’ says the 5′ bride.”
* “Now she has a big reason to change her habits: When she exchanges vows with Head, 25, in October, ‘I want my dress,’ she says, ‘to be very fitted.'”