After Lady Gaga (erroneously) won the award for Best Actress in a Limited Series or TV Movie over its rightful winner Queen Latifah during the 2016 Golden Globes, she was naturally verklempt, thinking what we all were: How? Her tablemates literally had to steady her, for god’s sakes.

And so, when she walked to the stage, she bumped into Leonardo diCaprio’s chair. Clearly she was freaking out and didn’t notice—and therefore did not apologize—but as a person who attended junior high school and learned many lessons there, I have an alternate theory. I posit that Lady Gaga saw him laughing upon the announcement of her nomination—who knows why he was laughing, but we can imagine—and totally body-checked him on her way to the stage. Then he flashed a perfect “WELL EXCUUUUUUSE YOU” look and it was preserved on camera for us all to see and speculate. This is how fights get out of hand, people. I look forward to next week’s tabloids.


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