Who Should Star in the Tan Mom Movie?

Guys, they’re making a Tan Mom movie! And by “they” I mean Tan Mom. Tan Mom is making a Tan Mom movie, according to Tan Mom. The film will be about her adventures and legal troubles, says Tan Mom. “It’s going to portray everything that’s happened.” Tan Mom also says that Tan Mom will star in the Tan Mom movie, obviously. But Tan Mom, if you don’t mind, consider these casting options:

Jennifer Lawrence

With Winter’s Bone and Silver Linings Playbook, JLaw has shown she’s skilled at serious drama. Wouldn’t it be cool to see our BFF disappear into a really dark (heh) role? She’s not the right age, but the magic of movie makeup would help.

Juliette Lewis

It’s hard to explain why this would work, it just seems like that loosey-goosey un-self-conscious is-she-drunk-or-just-quirky thing Lewis has would translate well into a role like Tan Mom.

Jennifer Aniston

If you really wanted to challenge yourself, Rachel, you’d do a flick where you have to physically transform. Your nickname is Golden! Dig deep and find the Tan Mom inside yourself.

Charlize Theron

Speaking of physical transformations: Theron was nearly unrecognizable in Monster, and with the right auteur, Tan Mom could win Theron another Oscar.