Whither The Marlboro Man? Feminism Killed Him, Duh

Illustration for article titled Whither The Marlboro Man? Feminism Killed Him, Duh

Good news, ladies: According to a new editorial, feminists have finally managed to turn "steak-eating, plaid shirt wearing, Old Spice smelling" American men into "skinny jean wearing, satchel carrying, pierced ear metrosexuals." Unfortunately, conservatives are on to our secret plot!


In an op-ed for The Bulletin, "Philadelphia's Family Newspaper," author Jane Gilvary laments,

When did men in America go from being masculine steak-eating, plaid shirt wearing, Old Spice smelling, cigar smoking cowboys who like football, hunting, and Clint Eastwood movies to skinny jean wearing, satchel carrying, pierced ear metrosexuals who like chick flicks, The View, and Bath & Bodyworks? The American man is an endangered species due in large part to the over-feminization of society. Not surprisingly, the arrow of blame points towards the feminists who have transformed our schools into gender neutral zones of indoctrination.

Gilvary points to "radical feminist" Maureen Dowd's book Are Men Necessary?: When Sexes Collide, Juno, and Jennifer Aniston's new film The Switch, as further evidence that the women's movement has transformed boys into "pantywaist pushovers."

You may be wondering, what's so wrong with dudes watching the occasional chick flick and not smelling like Isaiah Mustafa? Well, eventually this will lead to "a paucity of male leaders, entrepreneurs, scientists and heroes." Who knew that the key to getting more women into science and government positions was force-feeding men Appletinis?

While Gilvary's claims are obviously ridiculous, her point that, "Feminists' dogged efforts to have society view men and women as being the same instead of different but equal have paid off," encapsulates the sad truth about efforts by conservatives to discredit the women's movement. They've actually led society to view feminism as a war on men, rather than a push for greater freedom and equality for both genders. In reality, feminism is responsible for creating greater opportunities for women, as well as making it socially acceptable for men to love football and wear skinny jeans.

But it seems Gilvary failed to do her homework on the real feminist agenda. In fact, I bet she'd be surprised to learn that many liberal ladies actually "love Jesus, Johnny Cash, and the U.S. Constitution," just as much as she does! Actually, that can't be right. Conservatives and liberals must stay in their strictly-defined societal roles, just as women shouldn't strive to break the glass ceiling, and "real men" should never watch The View.


Skinny Jeans, John Wayne, And The Feminization Of America [The Bulletin]



Hasn't this theme been written about a hundred times?! For the love of Pete, the horse is dead! We get, we suck. We are the Lilith, sneaking through the night stealing sperm and killing babies (or something). Couldn't some one just make a frakkn' list of all things ruined by feminism already. This way it can be published every month, with room to add on as time progresses. So much easier. I'll start. We've ruined:

1. Marriage

2. Men

3. Monogamy

4. Grooming (see: shaving)

5. Pregnancy (see: baby stealing, sperm stealing, termination, menstruation)