While Your Back Was Turned, Everyone Became Obsessed With Their Pee

Illustration for article titled While Your Back Was Turned, Everyone Became Obsessed With Their Pee

According to the New York Post, this summer’s hottest fad is peeing, and talking about your pee with your friends to see whose pee is the best.


The Alkaline diet, as it is known amongst the menagerie of blonde celebrities who adhere to it—Gwyneth Paltrow, Kelly Ripa, Jennifer Aniston, and Elle Macpherson among them—is based on the completely scientifically unproven notion that one is responsible for monitoring and reducing the acidity in one’s own body. This is done by regular urine checks (via pH testing kits) and eating what amounts to basically nothing.

Via the Post:

The diet emphasizes fermented vegetables, most fruits, certain whole grains and tofu. Alkaline foods are easier for the digestive system to break down, so the vitamins and minerals they contain are more easily absorbed. As a result, dieters report higher levels of energy and less bloating.

Banned foods include alcohol, coffee, soda, dairy, meat, pasta, starchy grains and refined sugar. They have high levels of acid and are harder to digest — supposedly producing more waste to linger in the body.

“When you’re acidic, you’re toxic and a breeding ground [for germs],” Chantelle Fraser, a successful and apparently self-sufficient entrepreneur, informed the Post.

“It gets addictive, but it’s fun,” said Fraser, who would not know fun if it peed on her head. “We always compare our urine — we’re both clear!” she said of herself and her BFF, who are not Scientologists, before cruelly adding, “but sometimes she’s a bit yellow. My urine is so clear it’s probably drinkable!”

Probably not!

The Post also cites “alkaline addict” Jon Caner, a restaurant-owner in Long Island, whose restaurant “specializes in alkaline-friendly fare thanks to its $4,000 alkaline water machine.” Veronica Gray, a pro surfer, is another die-hard fan. “I have days where it’s just completely clear — it’s an amazing place to be,” she said, referring to her urine. “When it’s clear, it’s such an empowering feeling. My friends think I’m living the dream...Anything else, it’s like, ‘What can I do to get back there?’ The darker it is, it’s like, ‘What am I doing wrong?’”


A lot, girl. A lot.

Contact the author at ellie@jezebel.com.

Image via USA/Knocked Up.



Cool. This one time, I was camping and it was dark. I turned off my lamp and squatted to #PEE somewhere in the trees. Started to get that feeling somebody’s watching me and heard a distinct... lapping??? noise? So I spun around with my pants down and there was a deer drinking my #PEE straight from the tap, under my ass. I screamed like #PEE#WEE.

Was this not the right place to share that story? Is there ever a wrong place?