Kate Beckinsale has found herself another tatted-up 20-something to play with, just in time for social distancing! Goody Grace, her latest conquest, is a 22-year-old “rock star” from Canada whose music videos (“Scumbag,” featuring blink-182, “Memorie$”) feature plenty of joints and skateboards and dangly earrings, just like Beckinsale likes!
A source tells People that Goody is “talented, driven, and mature beyond his age,” as expected. According to the outlet, they “have fun and Kate seems happy.” Besides, “[His age] is just a number.” Okay! I’m more interested in the type Beckinsale is clearly gravitating towards since splitting with her ex-husband, Len Wiseman, the 47-year-old director, and writer of the Underworld movies Beckinsale so famously starred in throughout the 2000s. When the first Underworld released in 2003, Wiseman would have been 30. Perhaps she’s seeking to rekindle the best time in her life when she was flipping around and murdering werewolves as a sexy vampire? No wonder she’d want to date men who exude vampiric energy! (And besides, whoever said mid-life crises were solely a man’s game? Sounds like sexism to me!)
Anyway, I decided to check in on Goody Grace’s social media, because zoomers like us tend to air our feelings out on the internet. Perhaps I could decipher which, if any, of his tweets were about Kate Beckinsale! Before I could stroll very far, I encountered this, which is definitely about Kate Beckinsale, even if she’s not explicitly named. Everyone knows that Cadbury Creme Eggs are impossible to binge. If he was truly about to “fuck up some,” he’d definitely need help!
This one is definitely also about Kate Beckinsale.
This one almost feels too easy. No 22-year-old would buy those pillows for themselves, let alone somewhat luxe-looking sheer curtains. He definitely smoked this with Kate!
I have a hunch that Kate made him pancakes for breakfast. It’s just a hunch, though!
How do you think he’d accomplish this gargantuan feat of love for Kate. Do you think he’d hire skywriters, or maybe those banners mattress stores pay planes to fly around all summer?
What is Kate Beckinsale so sad about?
Perhaps he and Kate have been arguing?
Love is incomprehensible. Who really knows why the chemicals in our brains and demons controlling our hearts compel us to fall for the people we do! This one is definitely about Kate.
He tweeted this before the shutdown. I wonder if he and Kate were contemplating an escape from L.A.?
I’m beginning to think he and Kate have something between them involving maple syrup and/or pancakes.
If anything, my suspicions were correct, in that Goody Grace tweets just about everything on his mind. Or, just enough to come off as the relatable, bad boy rocker Kate Beckinsale first fell for—but that’s the cynic in me! The same cynic that looks forward to whatever Twitter meltdown he might have should they break up in quarantine, as she tends to do with these new boyfriends of hers every few months. But I’m much more content in the fantasy that they’re happily cooped up together, maybe gone back and rewatched Underworld: Evolution. Do you think it dawned on Goody just how similar he and Kate look with a mop black hair, pale skin, and a scowl?