Which Character From the Second Half of Titanic Are You?

Image via screengrab.
Image via screengrab.
TitanicTitanicAll Titanic all the time.

Welcome to Titanic Wednesday. It is what it sounds like—a day to talk about the 1997 Academy Award-winning film Titanic.

Have you ever found yourself in an entirely hypothetical situation that made you look around and say, “Fuck, what if I’m in the last hour and a half of the Academy Award winning motion picture Titanic, directed by James Cameron?” Hasn’t everyone, at one time or another?

And so here is a quiz to help you determine your place in the unfolding crisis. Consider it a disaster horoscope, of sorts—not quite your destiny, so much as a helpful way of thinking about your current situation. Good luck out there to those of you in peril on the sea.


Senior Editor, Attic Haunter, Jezebel

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Oh hell yes.

Result: The Drunk Chef on the Stern of the Sinking Ship

You have zero control of this situation, which is not your fault, so you figure you might as well ride it out as insulated from reality as you can possibly be while maintaining your ability to walk. The good news is, you live!