Image: Getty

Inspired by the jetsetting editors of British Vogue, Jezebel has compiled our exciting lifestyle plans for the holiday season. Because on a trail of disaster or total sensory deprivation, we know you’re dying to know how a glamorous Jezebel staffer spends this special time.

Molly Osberg, Senior Reporter

Where will you be for the holidays?

I’ll be holidaying at the Ancient Marinere, “Foxboro’s best-kept secret,” a truly charming suburban pub featuring chairs shaped like cupped hands and 20 televisions tuned to the same station. Nothing says a traditional Massachusetts Christmas quite like an endless loop of post-game Patriots commentary!

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The charming interior of the Ancient Marinere.
Image: John B. (Yelp)

What will you be packing?

I pack light, so just a couple pairs of leggings, and my computer—digital detoxes and “quality time” with the family are for people who work in print.

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What are you most looking forward to?

Unravelling the last year’s worth of trauma with my childhoood best friend as we try to fit 12 months of news into the time it takes to drink a dozen-odd Miller Lights. It’s a yearly ritual that really means a lot to us.

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What do you hope to open on Christmas Day?

It’s the same every year: Something useful that can replace an object I’ve inevitably broken or lost, please! I could really use a new food processor, or some forks.

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Emily Alford, Staff Writer

Where will you be for the holidays?

Drinking a complimentary bottle of wine by the fire in a Los Angeles hotel four blocks away from my own apartment and 1,600 miles away from my family.

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What will you be packing?

I’m a utilitarian packer when it comes to holiday benders: My day-to-night Doc Martens, an oversized white linen shirt to wear by the heated rooftop pool, a small silk satchel of recreational drugs.

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What are you most looking forward to?

From Christmas Day brunch to lotions I will absolutely be taking home in my purse, I adore hotel life. I’d live every day with zero responsibility and turn down service if I could.

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What do you hope to open on Christmas Day?

An envelope of Christmas Cash for the hotel bill from my best friend’s wealthy, yet emotionally unavailable father.

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Kelly Faircloth

Where will you be for the holidays?

I will be going off the grid for a little digital detox in my favorite rural chalet, by which I mean I will be journeying to my parents’ house which is down a two-mile Georgia dirt road so I don’t get cell phone service and the internet is via satellite, meaning it doesn’t work in heavy rain. I will of course be taking advantage of the full compliment of wellness services, particularly my mother’s traditional roster of holiday dishes, which lean heavily on the boutique superfood known as “butter.”

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What will you be packing?

You know, just some light reading [INTERN, PLEASE INSERT SOME IMPRESSIVE SOUNDING READS HERE—MIX OF LITERARY FICTION AND, I DON’T KNOW, MAYBE SOME ART HISTORY?]! Also, my usual casually glamorous seasonal looks, i.e., my three-year-old kitschy Christmas “fair isle” patterned leggings and a ratty black pullover that has been splattered with every substance known to man, from baby barf to mashed sweet potatoes. Hygge, I right???!!!

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Wellness isn’t sacrificed during the holidays
Image: Joel Kramer (Flickr Creative Commons)

What are you most looking forward to?

Eating leftover barbecue cold, right out of the open refrigerator door, smeared onto potato chips dipped in slaw.

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What do you hope to open on Christmas Day?

A flat-bottomed boat with a motor that can operate in very shallow water, in case the road floods again this year.

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Julianne Escobedo Shepherd, Editor in Chief

Where will you be for the holidays?

As I do every year, I’ll be taking a short-but-luxurious jaunt to my partner’s parents’ home in glamorous Hollis, Queens—a long-running cultural touchstone in the rich history of New York City. To get there, we take a long ride on the city’s iconic subway system, all the way to the final stop on the F train—Jamaica-178th—and after enjoying this public accoutrement of our fair city, we then embark upon a relaxing 1.5 mile stroll to our destination, the landscape an eclectic melange of ancient trees and slightly newer bodegas. The sightseeing is divine!

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What will you be packing?

An extra pair of sweatpants, my “weekend bra,” my JUUL and charger, my SSRIs.

What are you most looking forward to?

Vaping indoors (more than usual).

What do you hope to open on Christmas Day?

More SSRIs! And Swarovski crystals.

Megan Reynolds, Managing Editor

Where will you be for the holidays?

I’ll be spending this beautiful holiday season in the air, en route from a restorative week in Albuquerque with my mother, my stepfather, and two of my sisters in a house that is not quite big enough to accommodate my entire family. After five days of rest and relaxation, including but not limited to fighting in the Savers parking lot and arguing about who has to sleep on the lumpy futon in the living room, I will spend Christmas Eve on a red-eye flight to JFK, which lands just as dawn is breaking. Later, I will avail myself of whatever restaurant is open, and then end the night alone, high as a kite, watching Star Wars: The Rise of Skywalker in 4Dx, being jostled vigorously by the chair.

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What will you be packing?

My packing list for the high desert is minimal: a book or five that I won’t read, some shirts, and my wellness kit, which includes a Juul, backup Juul pods, edibles, chapstick, and one to three cigarettes, crushed slightly but still no worse for the wear.

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What are you most looking forward to?

The rare moments in which I can safely close the door to the one (1) spare room in my mother’s new home and pretend that I am sleeping, working, or both.

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What do you hope to open on Christmas Day?

The front door to my empty-ass apartment, bitch!!!!

Esther Wang, Senior Reporter

Where will you be for the holidays?

My family spends Thanksgiving together every year, and Christmas is designated for the in-laws, of which I thankfully have none of my own. So to celebrate, my pup and I will be jaunting off to my upstate cabin that I stupidly bought earlier this year, a luxurious little box that right now has no running water. But don’t worry, I have a Luggable Loo, a glorified bucket that I adore.

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What will you be packing?

Glamour is year-round.
Image: Luggable Loo (REI)
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Very strong bags for my Luggable Loo, a box of kitty litter to soak up everything I deposit in the Luggable Loo, a Costco-sized pack of baby wipes, and a weeks’ supply of microwavable meals.

What are you most looking forward to?

Pooping in my Luggable Loo.

What do you hope to open on Christmas Day?

My water, so that I can finally take a hot shower and shit in a real toilet. Just kidding! I’m not gonna fucking turn on my pipes, I’m not an idiot.

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Gita Jackson, Kotaku Staff Writer

Where will you be for the holidays?

My ancestral home in New England, where I no longer know anyone my age because their parents all retired to Florida.

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What will you be packing?

My brand new burnt orange sweatpants from Aerie to slip into while my mom, dad, brother and I settle in for a night of It’s A Wonderful Life and barely concealed resentment.

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What are you most looking forward to?

The subject of the inexplicable, inevitable fight that my mom and I will get into. Last year’s topic was whether or not the monarchy should exist! Did not take my mother for a royalist, folks.

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What do you hope to open on Christmas Day?

The iPad I already know my dad got me.

Shannon Melero, Staff Writer

Where will you be for the holidays?

On a downward spiral in my apartment in New Jersey questioning why I ever thought it was a good idea to have the same days off as my partner.

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What will you be packing?

Well ever since I moved to Jersey, my family acts as if I’ve moved to the unexplored jungles of the Amazon rainforest. None of us wants to cross the bridge so I won’t be packing a single thing.

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What are you most looking forward to?

I’m looking forward to answering everyone who sends me a Christmas text with an emoji-laden “So you forgot I’m Muslim” response.

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What do you hope to open on Christmas Day?

My eyes. I’ve been having these weird recurring dreams that I think are signaling my own death so I’m just hoping to not die. One of these dreams involves a crossbow that could only be loaded with pens.

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Alexis Sobel Fitts, Deputy Editor

Where will you be for the holidays?

A happy place deep in the bowels of my mind. Oh you mean physically? Probably unmoved from the human-shaped groove in my couch in Brooklyn.

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What will you be packing?

Every Jezebel staffer swears by this quick fix.
Image: Michael Derr (Flickr Creative Commons)
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This year my bribery and manipulation has finally paid off and my immediate family will be traveling to me for the holidays. So other than stockpiling butter in the fridge for whatever baking adventure should surface, I’m packing nothing.

What are you most looking forward to?

Eating my favorite kind of meal: a three- to four-carb plate. Protein is for the weak!

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What do you hope to open on Christmas Day?

A clean sink and kitchen because my family has been replaced by pleasant cyborgs that clean up after themselves without prompting.

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Ashley Reese, Staff Writer

Where will you be for the holidays?

I’ve already arrived back in my hometown of Los Angeles. I’m still surprised that the nearest Souplantation has turned into an Equinox.

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What will you be packing?

Well, I can attest that I overpacked as usual. I got very liberal with my wardrobe, expecting that the weather would allot for me to wear just about anything. You know, a fun reprieve from cold-ass NYC weather. But then I found out that the forecast for much of my stay called for pretty chilly temps and rain... great! I really thought I was gonna stunt! Also, despite (over)packing a ton of different outfits I’ve literally worn the same jeans, sweater, and dress every single day that I’ve been here. I’m doing GREAT.

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What are you most looking forward to?

Other than being home for the first time all year, I was really looking forward to hitting up my favorite all-you-can-eat Korean BBQ spot, and I finally knocked that off my list last night and I probably still smell like smoked meat. Other than that, I’m really looking forward to making the journey to a beloved Echo Park taco truck. Yeah, I’m admittedly thinking a lot about my stomach here.

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I already got to spend some time with my parents, ate Korean BBQ, and stood outside of the My Chemical Romance reunion concert with a bunch of emos who also had no ticket. I think I already had a successful holiday season and it’s not even Christmas yet!

What do you hope to open on Christmas Day?

A new phone I guess? But I’ll also just take some money. I don’t know, I’m really not choosy about Christmas gifts, especially now that I’m 29. As long as my mom doesn’t buy me clothes, I’m good.

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Clover Hope, Culture Editor

Where will you be for the holidays?

In technically-Long Island-but-I-call-it-Queens with my parents and siblings and their kids, enjoying the luxury of not having to do holiday travel.

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What will you be packing?

I’m packing an overnight bag for Christmas Eve and that’s it because I live in Brooklyn and can see these people anytime.

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What are you most looking forward to?

1) My mom’s pepper pot and other home-cooked meals that will remind me to cook more, which I probably won’t. 2) My nieces and nephew opening their gifts.

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What do you hope to open on Christmas Day?

Some cool sneakers I asked for. But the thrill of Christmas has mostly exited my body.

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