What's The Dumbest Thing You've Done To Get Laid?

Illustration for article titled What's The Dumbest Thing You've Done To Get Laid?

Because women do stupid shit for sex, too. Because it's not always that simple. Because you want a free sex toy. Tell us your story: What's the weirdest thing you've done in hopes of getting some? I'll start:

About a week ago, I had the difficulty of trying to explain the origins of my ankle tattoo to an unsympathetic male friend. The short story goes like this: I was at a friend's house, his cute roommate said he could do at-home tattoos, I wanted to hang out with him alone, so I asked for a star and ended up with a furry, misshapen triangle that I now refer to as "The Dorito." The long version, which includes four brands of beer, phone calls from an exboyfriend, several bus rides across Boston and a break of dawn escape, isn't really necessary (suffice it to say: It was a long night).


After I told him my story, something happened that surprised me — though it probably shouldn't have. "You are an idiot," he said (this is not the surprising part). "You're a girl, all you have to do to get laid is take off your shirt."

Strangely, this is still the prevailing attitude, this idea that all men are pigs who will do anything for sex, while women are generally disinterested. We have to be persuaded into hooking up, and on the rare occasions that we do want to get down, all we gotta do is pull off our t-shirts and wait for the men to line up. Maybe this is true; to be honest, I haven't ever tried this tactic. But the idea that women can find a sexual partner whenever they want has always irked me.

In the interest in fighting this quite damaging belief, I asked friends and fellow Jezebel staffers what they had done in the interest in getting some stimulation. Here is a brief sampling:

  • Wielding the power of a 8-bit Nintendo and the possession of Tecmo Bowl. Writes one friend: "Tell any guy who was of video-game age in the 80s that fifteen years later you still have Tecmo Bowl, and he's putty in your hands. When it was closing time at the bar, just mentioning it ensured that I would not be going home alone. I used this power sparingly, mind you, and it didn't always lead to a post-Nintendo hookup...but it did when I really wanted it to."
  • Traveling somewhere incredibly out of the way, including San Francisco (for an East-coast girl), rural Pennsylvania, Florida, New Jersey, and for the New York City folk: "going anywhere accessible only via the G train. Going there after midnight."
  • Saying, "No, I think it's a great idea not to be exclusive."
  • Minor stalking. I am guilty of this myself, but a friend provided me with the perfect example: "I also 'accidentally' bumped into a guy after his pick-up basketball game with his homies — i knew the time and location so i strolled by as it was ending. Some may call this stalking? It was effective." To be honest, it usually is.
  • Sexyface. 'Nuff said.
  • And this may be the most common strategy: Faking it. No, not an orgasm. Interest. Writes one: "all the very self-defeating pretending. Pretending to like cocaine. Pretending to not mind cologne. Pretending to have read authors I haven't. The worst was probably pretending to like 17th Century recorder music." And I would like to add: Pretending to like roller coasters. Pretending to be interested in poetry about his dead dog. Pretending to tolerate a certain level of sexism that I generally find intolerable. Pretending to like whiskey.

Now it's your turn. What is the dumbest thing you've done in hopes of hooking up? Send us your stories — or post them in the comments — and we will chose the best, most ridiculous and stereotype-busting entries. Finalists will have their stories featured (anonymously, natch) on Jezebel. After opening the vote to readers, we will award the winner a $50 gift certificate from the online sex shop Good Vibrations (and they ship anywhere, for our international readers). While we're primarily interested in the lengths to which women will go for some stimulation, the contest is open to all participants, regardless of gender or sexual orientation. So spill it. No judgments; everyone has to scratch an itch from time to time.

We will be accepting entries until 6 p.m. Monday, June 21.

Image via Perov Stanislav/Shutterstock

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Read Atlas Shrugged.