Whatever Happened to Predictability? It's Right Here in the Fuller House Trailer

“I know they say you can’t go home again,” sings the lady in the saccharine new trailer for Fuller House, the Netflix sequel to the ‘90s sitcom Full House. But you can! You can!, the footage cries as it leads you through the empty-yet-familiar rooms of the Tanner’s San Francisco home. “Life is full again,” Netflix promises. I beg to differ, I whisper at my computer.


Bob Saget (Danny), John Stamos (Uncle Jesse), Lori Loughlin (Aunt Becky), Dave Coulier (Uncle Joey), Candace Cameron Bure (DJ), Jodie Sweetin (Stephanie), and more are all back for Fuller House—a mass return that says less about the demand for more Full House episodes (because, really, who cares what the Tanner family is up to now?) and more about ‘90s sitcom actors rightfully exploiting millennials’ obsession with nostalgia for a much needed paycheck.

The trailer does leave you with questions though, like how on earth are we supposed to believe that a religious conservative like Candace Cameron Bure would willingly live in San Francisco? Or why are they moving furniture into an already-furnished house? And what kind of emotionally abused person would say, “You don’t need movers! You’ve got us!”? Lastly: Whose fucking dog is that? We know it’s not Comet because Comet is definitely dead.


Actually, Netflix is right. I do feel full—full of existential dread.

Contact the author at madeleine@jezebel.com.

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AllieCat demands hats on cats-is probable weirdo

I will watch this. Also, I’m anxiously awaiting the gritty reboot of “Saved by the bell” called “Save me from Hell”. Zach and Kelly are married (obviously-we all attended their Las Vegas wedding). But things have gotten pretty bleak. Zach got into troubles when he grew up and his antics stopped being cute. His disrespect of authority lead to Insider trading, stealing cars, and a “prank” on his boss that led to his death. Now, in prison, Zach insists that while he was guilty of the prank, he was set up and is innocent of the murder. He begs Kelly and the gang to stand by him as he races against the clock to prove his innocence. From the horrors he experiences in prison to the low depths the rest of the gang has fallen down to in the years they’ve been apart, the show will be a wild, sad ride that you’ll beg to get off of when the nausea hits. But you’ll still get back in line for another turn once you’ve thrown up in a trash can.