On Monday night, Padma Lakshmi hosted a benefit for The Endometriosis Foundation Of America (an organization she also co-founded). At one point during the event, she opened a bottle of champagne and shared it with Christian Slater, Norman Reedus, and Andy Cohen. But what did they talk about after toasting? I have an idea.

“You know, before tonight I didn’t even know what the hell endometriosis was,” Christian announced. “But I’m glad you taught me, P.”

Padma smiled gently and felt the tiniest bit of pride knowing she did her part in raising not just money, but awareness. She took a sip and looked up at Christian. It’s too bad he’s married, she thought before shaking her head and snapping out of the recurring daydream she’s had since first seeing Heathers.

“I still don’t know what the hell Endomima Kirke is!” shouted Andy before emptying his glass in a single gulp.


Christian placed his glass on the table, politely gestured for Padma to move aside, and approached the Bravo host. “It’s a disease of the uterus, Andy. And it’s not a joke.”

“I just dropped a few thousand for a piece of monkfish that I have a sinking suspicion was tilapia, so I’m pretty sure I can make a joke if I want to.”


“Boys,” interrupted Padma. “We’re all here to raise money for Endometriosis, not to fight. Now let’s try to enjoy ourselves?”

Christian extended his hand. Andy shook it and poured himself another glass.

“To Endometriosis!” he announced. “Or a cure for it or whatever!”

The three of them raised their glasses up high, and then a fourth joined in.

“To Endo...nisia!” a deep, slightly raspy voice said. They turned and saw Norman Reedus beside them. Suddenly the mood was dark.


“Norman,” said Padma.

“Padma,” said Norman.

“Norman,” said Christian.

“Christian,’ said Norman.

“Norman,” said Andy.

“Andy,” said Norman.

They all sighed and quickly finished their champagne.

Padma grabbed her clutch and ran off. “See you guys later, I’ve got to go say hi to Joel Schumacher.”


Images via Getty.

Contact the author at bobby@jezebel.com.