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What Levi Johnston, Reality TV Star, Can Learn From Other Shows

Illustration for article titled What Levi Johnston, Reality TV Star, Can Learn From Other Shows

Levi Johnston has finally gotten his own reality show, but since insiders reportedly think he's boring, he may need some help. Here's how he can imitate his way to reality success.

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Levi has already mastered one of the main staples of reality show plotting — breaking up and getting back together. But without Bristol on board for his new show, his breakneck pace of breakup and reconciliation may be difficult to maintain, and he'll need other ways of keeping the audience interested. Some options:

Pensive, analytical brunches.

Just as The Hills stars used their morning meal to share their halting insights about their love lives with an eager audience, Levi could gather a rotating cast (Kathy Griffin, Tank Jones, perhaps some Hollywood C-listers in need of a boost, like Mischa Barton) to eat egg whites and discuss whether he still loves Bristol.

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Parties, parties, parties.

As every Real Housewife knows, the key to reality show hijinks is to throw a lavish party, then get mad at your friends/frenemies for not showing up/showing up late/showing up on time but not "supporting" you. Perhaps Levi could start his own line of hunting vests, and then get mad at Tank for talking on his cell phone during the fashion show, and then they could drag out their feud through three episodes of yelling, shit-talking, and side-taking, before finally resolving things with an arm-wrestling match.

Sibling drama.

Stephanie and Spencer Pratt have nothing on Levi and his blogging sister Mercede. Reality show history would dictate that he should amp up this conflict as much as possible, and perhaps, in a twist, have Mercede and Bristol become besties.

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Retreats for reflection.

Levi's show will apparently split its time between Los Angeles and Wasilla, allowing Levi to return home periodically to reflect on events, much as Lauren Conrad used to repair to the OC. But when Levi goes home, he should fight grizzlies.

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Firing people.

The Apprentice proved the dramatic potential of the termination, and shows like The Rachel Zoe Project and Flipping Out have further expanded upon the trope. In order to fully exploit its potential, though, Levi needs more employees he can fire. We suggest that he acquire a personal psychic, food taster, geographer (to help rid him of any lingering Palin influences), and butt-exfoliator.

Plastic surgery.

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Exfoliation only goes so far, and if Levi really wants to stay in the tabloids, he'll have to go full Heidi. We're talking multiple procedures in a single day, perhaps giving him the visage of Sylvester Stallone ... or Sarah Palin.

Levi Johnston — Lost A Fiancee, Gained A Reality Show [TMZ]

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DISCUSSION

Exploit his son.

If Levi wants to follow in the steps of previous reality-show greats—e.g., Whitney and Bobby, Anna Nicole Smith—he'll be sure to feature poor, defenseless Tripp in at least a couple of episodes. Viewers will pat themselves on their collective back for recognizing how fucked-up the situation must be for the child, then blithely keep on watching.