Taylor Alison Swift loves to drop lil easter eggs in just about anything she does. It’s a sick never-ending game she plays with her fans and we, hypnotized by her giant eyeballs, will never quit being detectives. Her latest reveal came from the folklore concert doc on Disney+ where Swift confirmed the long-held fan theory that her boyfriend Joe Alwyn co-wrote two tracks under the name William Bowery. How did fans know this already before Swift confirmed and E! reported it out for the non-fans? Well, it’s simple Swiftian mathematics.
Alwyn’s claim to fame is that he is the great-grandchild of a famous British composer whose first name is William. Boom, easy. The surname however is a little trickier to calculate if you’re not well brushed up on Modern Swiftory of the Mid 21st Century, in which I am still earning my masters. As we well know, Swift and Alwyn’s relationship was hidden from the paparazzi for a good portion of its beginnings however, archival researchers will recall that the couple was spotted together at a concert in the Bowery Hotel circa 2016. And as we know from Swift’s previous pseudonym, Nils Sjoberg, she loves to name people after places whether they be obscure towns in Sweden or a region of Manhattan.
So let’s apply this logic to figure out what my songwriting credit would be if Swift ever opened the mountain of fanmail and pages of Tumblr posts suggesting topics for future tracks. My first name would have to be male, of course, because who hires women songwriters, and my surname would have to be a location that bears some sort of significance to my personal life that would only be known by stalkers. Hmm, looking at my family tree it seems my options are Francis, Fidel, Julio, Santiago, or Juan. Not great choices considering the name should be as white as possible without being too obviously white unless I’m going for a Norwegian vibe. So, Francis, it is!
Hello, I am a songwriter and my name is Francis Vesey. What’s your name?