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What Is This

Illustration for article titled What Is This
Screenshot: via Smuckers

I was recently informed of the existence of something called the “Uncrustable,” a soft hunk of bread type-thing filled with peanut butter and jelly. Uncrustables are not new—the Uncrustable “sandwich” was invented in 1995 and sold to Smuckers in 1999, according to several detailed histories online—but I do not have children and was never a child, so I first heard of them last week, when a friend asked whether or not an Uncrustable could actually be considered a sandwich. (No.) (Absolutely not.)

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I thought that would be last association I’d have with the Uncrustable, but then I stumbled upon this incredible Viral Tweet:

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As you see from above, someone actually recrusted an Uncrustable. Why? Who knows. Who cares. It’s perfect. What was broken is now whole. What was crustless is now crust. What was not a sandwich is now... something, I don’t really know. When soft frozen bread meets real frozen bread, the world has meaning again.

This is not the first time Uncrustables have been in the news of late. In March, a Tumblr post asked whether or not an Uncrustable was a ravioli. The comparison is not outlandish: like a ravioli, an Uncrustable is a round piece of dough pinched together with a filling inside. But unlike a ravioli, an Uncrustable is disgusting. Case closed.

Night blogger, author of GOOD THINGS HAPPEN TO PEOPLE YOU HATE.

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DISCUSSION

uiitba
Unexpected Item In The Bagging Area

Counterpoint: Uncrustables are fine.

Please let me have my pre-packaged PBJ product which makes me mildly happy in this shit world we live in.