What Is Kumail Nanjiani Watching on His Premium Pornhub Subscription?

Illustration for article titled What Is Kumail Nanjiani Watching on His Premium Pornhub Subscription?
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If you want Pornhub Premium subscription, you have two options: 1) Buy a Pornhub Premium subscription, or 2) Go the Kumail Nanjiani route and get so jacked that Pornhub just gives you a decade for free.

Nanjiani told Conan O’Brien that while the bulging muscles he famously acquired to play Kingo in Marvel’s The Eternals are mostly decorative, they did net him $900's worth of premium porn. If you’re wondering what sort of elevated smut they’ve got stashed behind that paywall, well, Conan and I are wondering the same thing. To which Nanjiani replied: “If I have to explain it to you, you wouldn’t understand.”

“I will say, because people are like, ‘Why do you need to pay for porn?’ — and I don’t, I do not work for Pornhub, they have not paid me to say this — you have access to a whole new world. Free porn is good but when you go to Premium…I could develop fetishes, crazy ones over the next 10 years and I know I’ll be taken care of.”

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Nanjiani also talked about being selected as one of Time’s 100 most influential people, and the fact that he was asked to join the Academy, but I stopped listening. Or maybe it’s not that I stopped listening so much as that I couldn’t hear him over the chorus in my head shouting, WHAT is on Premium Pornhub?!

I’m never going to know, unless you tell me in the comments. (Please tell me in the comments.)

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Night blogger at Jezebel

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DISCUSSION

High grade, top shelf artisinal porn, the kind of porn you consume with an upturned pinky finger, the kind of porn which uses only the most elegant and sumptuous vulgarities, mais oui.