What If Candy Bars Were Named For What They Really Are?

Illustration for article titled What If Candy Bars Were Named For What They Really Are?

College Humor dreamed up these very-realistic names for iconic candies we all know and love. But we do have a few additions: "Stuck In My Braces" for Swedish Fish, "What's That Sore In My Mouth?" for Warheads, and the "You Broke My Dental Work" for JuJu Bees (true story). You could probably substitute the name "It's PMS City Up In Here" or "Just Stick This To My Fucking Thighs Why Don't You" for any of the chocolate candy bars, but let's not get ahead of ourselves.


[CollegeHumor via Reddit]

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Dear American Jezebels,

You have such cool stuff... your country is massive and awesome! It takes a day to drive across the UK and whist we have some nice countryside, it's really not that interesting, especially compared with the breathtaking landscapes of America. You have some AMAZING food... cornbread... OMG... Pecan Pie... HOLY SHIT... there are loads of really, really good things about America... but American chocolate is yuck! Please can you fund me to come over there on a diplomatic chocolate mission and show you the joys of swiss chocolate, belgian chocolate and cadburys? And marmite... but i'm not sure how you'd respond to that. Also.. have you tried chilli chocolate? Or salted caramel chocolate? Nom.