What Do You Call Your Funbags?

Illustration for article titled What Do You Call Your Funbags?

I'm a fan of "boobs" myself, but the words we use for breasts are as varied as those breasts themselves. And it's time to vote for your favorite.

All the terms for our mammary glands have different connotations. "Breasts" is a bit clinical, "tits" is dirty (and I kind of like it for that reason, in certain circumstances). "Boobies" is childlike, "chests" is prudish, "bosom" is old-fashioned, and "gazongas" is just plain gross. I like Dolly Parton's solution — she calls hers "shock" and "awe" — but I think only Dolly can pull this off. I like "boobs" because it rolls off the tongue, it looks funny on paper, you can type it on a calculator and show it to your seventh-grade best friend, and it kind of reminds me of Beavis & Butthead — all pluses in my book. But I want to know what you think — vote for your favorite from the list below, most of which was culled by the Observer from Suzy Menkes's recent T column. And please, if your fave isn't listed here, add in the comments. Inquiring minds want to know!


Asset Management [NYT T Magazine]
Suzy Menkes Notes A Return To 'Bosoms' [NY Observer]

Image via 2399/Shutterstock.com

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I can't decide. I use all of the above depending on context:

1. to boyfriend during period: "holy crap, my boobs are HUGE!"

2. anything scholarly/commenting here "breast size really shouldn't determine... blah blah blah"

3. criticism/judgement: "the peroxide blonde over there with the fake tits"

4. pre-adolescent exercises: "I must, I must, I must increase my bust"

5. old-timey making light of anything not fitting due to size: "yeah, there's no way my bosoms are going to fit into that dress." Also: bosoms referring to the breasts of anyone over the age of 50.

other: anytime I end up needing to discuss breasts with someone I normally wouldn't, I end up stuttering something awkward like "uh..in the..chestal region"

refuse to use: boobies, titties, boozongas.